Sometimes, even when we have power, we shouldn’t express it. Other times when we are powerless in the face of the worlds spinning, we should add our force to its momentum.
I’m not sure you can find that which cannot be lost? Indeed you can’t, but you can remember what you forgot because your attention was elsewhere. The keys in my pocket are lost to me if I don’t know they’re there. A baby can feel hungry or dirty or lonely, and that’s all their doing. Feeling it when they are seen to, cleaned or fed or held, then the issue passes and they are ok. How supposedly are we different in our feeling? We are different in our emotion.
I think in part we adjust our actions based on how we felt? Yes, and that adaptation is emotion, and people get locked in those adaptations. Tyrannized by how they learned to react to a feeling, not realizing that they are their own jailors. They hold both the carrot, and the red hot iron.
I have noticed that one can attach a particular state or emotion to another, and attempt to make it the others burden as well as our own. Are emotional states our own, or is there a responsibility to share them among each other? Is this a natural interaction between humans, or even a fair thing to do to another individual? Very insightful, and yes, emotion is a product of the collective. We wear emotions as a badge; I’m the hurt one, I’m the angry one, even I’m the happy one. It isn’t fair, but it isn’t an injustice.
We do pin the badges on others also. You can hold someone else responsible for how you feel. It doesn’t really get you anywhere, but emotion does require it. If I do the emotion of love, then the one I love has to act loved. There has to be the love behaviour, and it’s often not very satisfying. Even the happy one is an unfair badge. This injustice comes from the idea that expressing feeling is unacceptable, that if I feel love and hug someone just because I feel like it isn’t good enough.
Are you saying the emotion is the acting out of the feeling, and we need to learn to just feel instead of acting out? I’m saying emotion is a role, and we don’t have to play it. We can do what we feel. Let’s use the example of lovers, I can do the emotion of love, and it will be very dramatic; “Alas poor Linda I loved her well, but she did not return my love so I am spurned and must feel rejected”. Often we feel fake when we’re being emotional. This is why people scoff at people as ‘emo’. People have emotions many times, without having the feeling.
You feel rejected and sad in some cases? Oh, yes. You can feel rejected, and the feeling of rejection isn’t fake. The rejected behaviour is. You can feel sad. The feeling of sadness isn’t fake, sad behaviour is. If I feel love and go to hug someone but they reject my hug, I can feel rejected, but what I do is still my choice.
Describe “sad” behaviour? Sad behaviour, sympathy getting, seeking love from a surrogate of the one who rejected you. Trying to avoid feeling sad so throwing any real needs out the window and instead living as if it didn’t matter. A martyr complex. These describe sad behaviour well? Those behaviours are different from actually feeling sad, and the protective response doesn’t work very well does it? As far as what works, does the person need to do any of that, or maybe they should just cry?
In my experience, I found that everything matters? Indeed, every feeling matters. Your feelings matter very much. It’s no good to repress them.
It could it be that those behaviours last longer when the person can’t find a solution or help for their feelings? Like asking for help, maybe in the wrong way? Yes, this is why everyone is so emo.
So I guess what you’re saying is that we learn behaviours based around things we feel; ways to show them, ways to use the power of them, ways to ease them, etc., and yet all of those behaviours aren’t centered. They’re expressions desiring to be seen and heard/recognized so they can be what they are and be okay? Yes, what you describe is true, and the truth is we can be what we are. We don’t need permission.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.