I will offer that there is no mystery in human behavior, just the schism between light and darkness that we create. All behavior arises from the same life force whether we judge the outcome as good or bad.
Doesn’t being resilient depend on what event one is trying to bounce back from? It does in part. That’s an excellent question.
Your reactions are never out of context, naturally. But the hormonal reactions, they have discovered, put you into a state that’s perhaps rather much like being drunk. So though you are reacting, in a sense, appropriately to the specific instance of distress, analysis will actually get you stuck in triggering the same physiological response that made you so aware of the stress in the first place.
The numbness? That’s it, though it can manifest as other feelings as well.
There are people who have undergone the worst horrors (e.g. war camps) and appear more resilient then someone who has a bad commute. Sometimes the little things are worse, perhaps because we try to ignore them? That’s very true. It’s actually the little things that get you.
Let’s say you have been told that your beloved parent died just last night. You will compose yourself and be able to function until someone cuts you off in traffic. Then you will either have a fit of rage or a serious crying jag. But then if you react to that with confusion and fear, you will get worse. The idea that “THOU SHALT NOT LOSE YOUR COOL!” actually makes lunatics of people. It prevents the natural psychological and spiritual reflex that would let us handle whatever the issue is to the best of our ability.
We are burdened not so much by events themselves as we are by our thoughts that tell us how we should or should not handle a situation. This is why those who suffer from the more fragile hormonal balance that makes their resilience process more touchy, often have it much worse than they otherwise would. Because they are trying to function like the other eighty percent of people, and it isn’t fair to either group.
The idea of forgive and forget is not good advice. It’s one of those viral concepts that winds up making people very bitter and stuck in their old hurts.
Is there any truth in the idea that there is a line where we can’t handle something? That’s a half truth. Physically, it’s true. But like someone who has lost a limb, it’s possible to learn how to manage being pushed past that limit. Science and psychology have been experimenting with it a great deal, but they weren’t the first. It was tackled by ancient mysticism and spirituality as well. This is why their initiation rituals were often so dramatic and traumatic. Even their training often involved what we would today consider torture.
I guess that’s why people who have suffered trauma sometimes like to do very difficult sports or tasks like mountain climbing? They want to push their limits. That’s indeed it. They discovered the wall of their limits is actually a poorly drawn line.
The idea of walking into the fear to recover. Yes. But the dangers described by these same spiritual traditions were also real.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.