Walls don’t always block. They can funnel, intensifying the flow of the river.
What it comes down to, and hypnosis proves this, is what you don’t know and what you ignore, can and does hurt you. What you are pushing away continues to operate on its own even without your understanding. Thus we have episodes when we “act out of character.” We “don’t know why I did that.” But on a rational basis you can’t see a way out. No amount of rationalization works as it’s what causes the problem in the first place.
Men are often encouraged to ignore their feelings. It isn’t good advice and doesn’t absolve them of what they did. We, in fact, should let ourselves get angry and be still. In extreme cases have you ever been so angry you couldn’t speak or move?
It’s a very good place to be. It makes anger very clear and makes your feelings all very clear, but regrettably we aren’t taught how to take this with us into normal thinking. Understanding anger like that, that clarity, is what I compare to conviction. In denying that, we deny ourselves any strength. We deny our own feet to stand on.
It made me suffer when it happened. The anger didn’t make you suffer. You were angry because you suffered. You didn’t suffer because you were angry. Am I wrong?
The fact that you can’t understand why you are so angry makes it worse? No, in that case all you understand is your thinking. You don’t understand the anger. The thinking leads to the anger, but any stimuli can. It’s been proven that the mind can not tell the difference between the vividly imagined and sensory input.
Should we try to have such an understanding that the anger would not rise at all? No. We should seek an understanding of anger so we can have our anger instead of our anger have us. Anger will rise. We don’t have one brain, we have three. We have a reptile brain that is all fight or flight, mate, hunt. It’s what drives our survival, but it doesn’t remember anything. It doesn’t calculate or plan and you can’t “control” it.
If you love like highly developed yogis, you radiate peace and no anger will arise around you? In their case, they love even their anger. So the anger isn’t recognizable as anger. The context changes and thus why I am advocating understanding. If the context is different in you, people react to it. It’s pretty natural. They don’t even have to know that about you. It’s maybe a function of the mirroring nervous system; send fight or flight body language, trigger fight or flight body language.
Could it be that my ex-boyfriend became angry because of my behavior? Yes, but it still doesn’t excuse him. Ultimately, he became angry because of his own thinking about your body language and that is his responsibility. No one is responsible for your anger and you are responsible for no one elses. That is what makes the crazy merry-go-round go round, and it isn’t even a pretty merry go round.
A person will often say ‘you make me so angry.’ That reflects the attitude I’m speaking against. Ever watch a spider? Their body language seems constantly angry doesn’t it? Yes, they are cute, very driven little critters, but they are always “kill this, flee from that, stay here till I need to kill this or flee from that.” It’s very natural for them and they do have a natural world that they are a part of. It is eating and we aren’t spiders, but we still have that in us and either we understand it or we lower ourselves to that level. How many humans seem to be looking for the next person to get angry at or mate with? Biologically the mating instinct is the primal force that stems anger, a.k.a. aggression.
I wonder why some people are just angry all the time? The truth is they seem angry all the time, because they are too busy to pay attention to what they are doing. They are too busy doing it, do, do, do. We even have it as a theme in our horror movies. Why aren’t we warned by that?
Wanting revenge? Indeed, we don’t even have a proper focus. Like the emperor scorpion, we mostly sting ourselves to death.
Why is revenge so important to humans? We don’t properly identify our angers trigger or our choices. Revenge is a human “emperor scorpion” type reaction, arguably we should be above that with all our thinkingness shouldn’t we?
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.