If it has to change we want a say in it, we want control but people are unfit for control.
Let’s get a bit more personal. I’m in a relationship. The Native Americans respected the creatures they hunt, but they still ate them. If in my relationship I were not willing to in a sense “eat her” and respect what she does and can give me, how healthy would our relationship be?
There would be separation. I’ve noticed how people put another on a pedestal in a relationship and call it respect. It’s not good. If I were too busy respecting her to give her a hug when I feel moved to, what good would that be?
Being in awe of the beloved puts him or her on a different level and causes separation, and being in awe of the beloved should also include an awe of self, which is where the feeling of awe comes from anyway. In this great sense of awe, give respect to what moves the self to kiss the beloved one. For everything you are capable of perceiving, you are also that. If you are capable of perceiving boundaries, you are also that. I prefer flow. I like open spaces and moving with my lover, not into the walls.
Pedestal versus true respect. When you have someone on a pedestal they become sort of a grey, washed out presence in your life. They don’t seem to have a living presence. They are in your life, but not one with your life. In respect, they are vividly alive in your life, and you can feel their life in your life. If it’s a good partnering, then this presence of their livingness in your life is enhancing.
If my partner is distressed, although she may say she wants to be ignored, respect requires I be aware of her distress anyway, because it is her state of the moment. Respecting her state can inform me as to what would be right action in that moment, which is better than possibly confused language.
I find if my husband knows I’m distressed, he will want to know why and how to fix it, so I tell him I’m fine even when I’m not. Hmm, and yes the fixing can be bad and isn’t respect. People don’t want to feel like problems that need fixing. Deep respect transcends this. Is it possible he might be welcome to empathize though? Guys can learn to do it. We just aren’t taught growing up how to relate well on an emotional level, so a little patience from our partner can work wonders. Long story short, your partner wants to be the most loving he can. They just need opportunities to learn new ways.
The problems seem smaller when I share them. I let my hubby vent when he needs to, and I think he is prompting me to do the same. It is possible he is doing exactly that. Wanting to give you what he values highly.
Respect is seeing the common ground.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.