Your tensions are memories. All of them whether intense or more subtle are even potentially scars. Scars are not flexible, but for every tension, especially chronic tensions, there are memories.
What does it mean if you have trouble sitting perfectly still? If you have to fidget and keep your hands busy? You have trouble sitting perfectly still, because you are trying to sit perfectly still. It’s like trying to stand unmoved with waves washing over you. You deny your connection to the world with an idea that you must behave one set way.
I do notice people that normally fidget like me are able to sit still when they are focused on something else like work or a TV show, and then when it’s over they fidget again. Exactly. The stillness is a dance, and you can keep the rhythm or be clashing with it.
In my case, my mind has never known stillness as other people do. It is filled with constant noise. I am not able to think if I try hard to actually use my brain organ, but I can still see the rhythm of the stillness in my brain. I am sensitive to every little stimuli, so no single stimuli can actually matter more than any other.
I suppose fidgeting is like any other soothing habit then. Fidgeting is relaxing. When you let go into fidgeting you can move into deeper stillness. This is why severe autistics fidget and gesticulate aimlessly. They are locked into a web of human messages and impulses. People trying to restrain their minds and bodies. The best way to get a cramp in every part of your body is to let someone put you in a straight jacket.
As observed, you stop when you are interested. This is why we do guided meditations. You then have a focus and hopefully that helps. Yes. Guided meditation is a combination of symbolism, structured mental fidgeting, and actual knowledge of the body/mind and the stillness.
The great mystery of the mystics, in their behaviour, is that though how they act seems strange, they are acting in something that emerges from deep within the stillness and people react to it. They accept it. The Bards of legend drew song from the stillness and their poetry had a power largely unknown today.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.