We are not of our nature solitary creatures. When we feel lonely and make declarations of how we don’t need anyone, that isn’t about people. It’s about ourselves. We feel frustrated, so we try to deny that we have worth. In a perverse way it’s a tactic for putting ourselves on the side of those we perceive to reject us, and it doesn’t work. All loneliness is self rejection of our desire for love, of our desire to be in the world and to be seen, and can stymie our self expression and happiness as much if not more than the previous emotions of failure. We don’t need people to be us. We need to be us with people. Be in this world, and in this life.
As much as people like to talk about being independent, ultimately it’s a false self notion. Of our nature we are both goal seeking and social. Studies show that in a sterile environment with no plants or anything uncontrolled, our health though not exposed to disease organisms, will decay. There are people who proudly and falsely declare that they don’t need anyone, and I admire their bluster, but it’s another case of misguided aggression. They had a problem and decided that they were just not going to need anyone. It doesn’t work. It’s not in our instincts, and not even in our mental development.
It comes from being hurt by other people, and there is even a simple explanation for that. Hurting people hurt people. Vicious cycle. We discover ourselves in engaging the world. We are a part of it. There is a reason they say no man is an island, and to ask not for whom the bells toll. It is very real.
If a child’s needs are not met by its parents then independence can be its only way to survive (emotionally)? Indeed, but it’s still not the core truth for that child. I was such a child.
Fighting ego could lead to loneliness, right? It often does. This is in fact the essence of loneliness. You feel lonely because you reject labels, or try to cling to them. Ideas of who you are, and who you are not. You get so busy in doing that, that you never feel or express you. So even if you have many relationships, they feel shallow and unsatisfying. This is why the phrase “you don’t know me!” has become street slang. It even leads to anger and frustration, and thus keeps you locked out of yourself. It denies anyone any chance to actually know you or love you for who you really are.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.