Absolutist thinking is a vicious falsehood, creates only confusion.
We villainize our desires like lust. Let’s say I’m very sexually driven. How does me seeking sexual gratification take anything from anyone? It may make me very attentive to my partner. They say the two biggest things that ruin marriages are these, and in this order: sex and money.
Now I’m speaking to the ladies. Is it really the guys desire for sex that’s a problem?
Ah, no. We’re envying it.
Yes it is, if it’s all they want.
Not for me. It was his desire for sex with others.
Yes, it’s envy, not sex that’s a problem. Our natural desires are not evil. It’s envy that twists them. Now I’m talking to guys. Is a guy who wants his partner only for sex normal?
I don’t think so. Nor do I. My own partner sometimes complains of how much I talk. There needs to be more of an emotional factor for more than a night relationship, and many guys won’t bother. People don’t believe this, because one view of masculinity has been publicised. I actually say something rather strong, but I have a point. Guys actually don’t like sex. If they liked sex they would want to prolong it, stay in it, they would relish the experience. Most guys don’t like much of anything.
Yes, but guys think sex it’s all about the climax, eh? Whereas girls like the rest of it. No, actually they don’t think about sex much at all. They would be better off if they did.
The point is guys envy, and in some ways more than women. It‘s strange that envy is considered a feminine trait, but guys don’t have to envy any more than women. We are taught to prove ourselves by “getting mine before you take what’s mine”, and to get “what’s yours if I’m good enough to take it from you”. Is this not so guys? Supposedly it proves we are better men. We are “studs“.
Well yea, we are taught it’s a cruel world, and you need to be aggressive. Does it actually make us, or anything around us, better?
It is a cruel world. Well actually, it’s a human world, and humans forget they can be humane. This world is what we make it, and we make it cruel out of envy. Envy is not innocent, and there have been cultures that have lived without it. They had to as it was necessary for survival. The Native American tribes couldn’t afford envy. They ate, or survived together. But regrettably all cultures have been infected. No part of the planet is a sanctuary anymore, but this doesn’t have to be depressing. It just means we can knowingly cooperate to make it all a sanctuary.
Different cultures have interesting language traits. Chinese has no single word for crisis. Their word for crisis also means opportunity, and they also have no single word for mind. Their word for mind also means heart. Chinese philosophy often gets warped in the west. They have a term they call “many mind”, but it seems to me they mean many heart, or conflicting motives. This makes a lot of their philosophy make sense in that light, no?
Envy is being many hearted. It‘s best to keep your heart where you are, and if being where you are in your heart tells you maybe shouldn’t stay there, then you can decide with clarity and confidence what to do. I think in Buddhism they called it right action. The heart divided against itself cannot stand. It will not endure.
Maybe next time you have a desire, you don’t judge it, and you don’t envy someone else who pursues that same desire. Just accept you have it, and act on it or don’t however you deem best. Would that not be more peaceful? Who would you hurt doing that? Would anyone suffer if we were all like that?
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.