Control is human obsession and human nature. The idea of control that most people embrace is also a delusion. We control to keep things static. We control in denial of what is available to us. We abstain from embracing the now because it would deny us control. In denying the reality of our perception, we deny ourselves our own power.
We seek power we do not and cannot have, because in fact it doesn’t exist. We seek power over others to control their perception and thus their behaviour. That can be achieved at a shallow level, but it doesn’t have power by itself. It operates on a parasitical basis from another force playing in that situation. It has no power of its own. If that control is built on love, the parasitical influence of control can make the initial bond wane. Weaken to the point where the person is forced to make another choice other than obedience to you. In fact, you never controlled them and were never controlled by them.
When you embrace the nature of a thing, its “te” or inherent virtue in Taoism, then you have true control because you aren’t seeking control. No idea of control. You connect. You move with all the power you could ever need, and control as most people understand it pales by comparison. It becomes as ashes in your mouth.
You don’t achieve self control by trying to achieve self control. That ‘trying’ is denial of what you would control and the more you ignore the resistance (the need to try), the less control you will have. This is why the seemingly very disciplined flip. The seemingly very compassionate commit atrocities. They don’t understand where their virtues come from, thus they do not own their virtues. They do not control them. If they are good, it’s by accident and they cannot see their innate goodness because they are too busy trying to be good. In all this trying they also lose control of their vices. It is a natural connected chain reaction. Your virtues did not arise independent of your vices, and if you do not understand your darkness, you will not understand the light in you. You will instead try to be good and fail, because you believe you have to try. Because you believe you will fail and will remain trapped in this circuit.
Ego arises from the concept of control, that something must be and that something must endure. But in fact, we fail to reflect on what does endure in us. Thus we have no trust in ourselves, and we project this into the world and are not trusted in return. There is endurance in the world, but what can endure is not what we choose to endure. What will endure is what are right expressions of understanding, of ourselves and the world, and we don’t have to make these things. We didn’t make ourselves. Our parents didn’t make themselves.
Love transcends, and I don’t mean some idealists vision of love. Those seem to fall apart in my experience, but life on this planet arises from love, from the desire to preserve and perpetuate life, but only humans have that desire and it gets twisted. They feel they should control love, make it into the ideal though it’s not. Love is our nature, our very instinct. All the thinking is the effort to control what we are.
On an instinctive level, we desire children and for our children to survive and thrive. On an instinctive level, we desire partners, an intimate partner our counterpart, and further we desire a tribe, a herd, a nation. These are not wrong. They by themselves are wisdom, but then control comes in.
Who controls the tribe? Then fighting. Even fighting is natural but humans make struggle into sheer corrupted violence. Violence in nature arises and falls away rapidly. It is not controlled and often ends with no loss of life. In the name of control we assure that there is loss of life. Our own idea of control requires it and if you bond with the other, with the enemy, with the object of fear, then in the name of control you are betrayers. You cease being the object of love if love is seen from the view of control.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.