Meditation is intimacy with self. You are stopping and opening your awarness to “death” in the moment.
Tell me what you think anything means. I will describe your world. Sound boastful? Any takers? Our meaning is our reality.
“I’m living, breathing. With each breath it’s a new world. How can I grasp at that? I try and try to grasp a meaning, but all I get is more questions.”
You grasp it in making that very statement. For you, creation is meaning. The seeking is meaning. You are a positive person at this point in your life, and are likely rocked by experience. But at this point, your well of resilience runs deep. Probably engage and re engage, and do likely learn. Active mind. Forever we stare into the mirror to see what cannot be reflected, and thus hope and meaning springs anew. Always creating. That is your reality, and you are likely aware of something beyond it. But as is right and gainful, you function from your nature. Does that beyond scare you at all?
People profess no fear. I guess they need to, but the stasis, the element that keeps things normal, is a two sided coin. One side very shiny, the other very dark. It is one thing, and it is what motivates holding your ground. There can be meaning in fear. You don’t get one without the other. A balance. I sense the fear in people. As they deny it, it gets fed. It grows.
What they won’t engage still has life. You can’t starve it from refusing attention. If anything, like a virus, you let it feed freely. For me literally everything is fear. My mind startles, and I can’t screen. Like Zen meditation, each event is like the first time I have ever seen it. I have even been criticised for my reacting that way, but I don’t have any choice. In sleep (well for me it’s more of a deep meditation) my bodies mechanisms engage partially, and my blood is flooded with strange levels of neuro-transmitters. Even when I have had sleep, people often comment I still seem tired. I was called grandpa in elementary school even. They considered it quite funny. Early stasis developing. It’s quite strong in children as their minds assume their “maturity” very quickly.
People call me dark and negative. I try to accept my nature, but trying to accept my nature in the face of the ‘you shouldn’t be’ message, is hard.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.