Will matters and your will is free.
Now shall we discuss your order? What is it you feel called on to do so much? Forced to do.
Put things away, sort things. Keep things, and you want to keep things, all things, people too.
I did throw a lot of stuff away last weekend and suddenly started sobbing. So in your situation, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t, but that’s only because you haven’t owned this call to order.
It felt good afterward. It was totally unexpected. Indeed, it can be freeing. You are what I call a curator. You want everything to have a chance to be seen. You like to recreate places, people, and things. You think they all have value and should be appreciated for that, but you doubt that you really appreciate things. That you really have any clue what they are genuinely about.
They go by so fast, and I only see the surface. That’s a self-judgement taken only from your own point of view. It’s why this fate model is helpful. The world doesn’t agree with you about you seeing only surfaces. It sees you as the owner of things. You are the one who absolutely must understand, because it’s your responsibility. You are the keeper of the thing. You have the contact and experience with it. You are the expert, and you are the expert on a great many things. Is this not so?
I don’t feel like an expert, but sometimes people think I am. Sometimes they act like you are. They always think you are. Fortunately, no one is always acted upon. That would be really stressful. The reason your keeper role seems crushing to you is you haven’t owned it fully yet. You haven’t decided what you are the keeper of. I believe even now you are a keeper of books. What would your life be like if you owned this keeping? Lived as a keeper? Decided what you were keeping and why, as well as why you were keeping it.
Interesting, so I wouldn’t have to keep everything. No, not keep everything. Just what fit the collection guidelines? Yes, and those collection guidelines are yours, decided by you.
We all take what we want to give and give what we want to take, but get distracted by the supposed rules, thus we seem fated. We think there are rules beyond free will. We get things a bit backwards, thus our life seems to go nowhere.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.