A weight can be a lightening of existence. Chains can be freedom. The prisoner knows what freedom is clearly.
Would I recommend just taking on the path of suffering for kicks? Hell, no. I mean that word seriously, HELL no. But it is possible that of your nature you gravitate to it, and you would do yourself an unnecessary disservice if you sought to follow that other path that does not express your nature.
Could what is described as the life of a drifter be this path, always moving on? It can manifest that way, but just as there are many paths of service or peace, there are many paths of change or suffering. One can suffer for an art, become passionately, deeply disturbed in their struggle to express the truth they intuit in their own heart. One can suffer for the search for truth, and stand in awe of the realization that every answer leads only to other questions.
I recall the Bodhisattva vow: “Dharma Gates are infinite; may I enter them ALL!” (Including the dark, painful ones.)
Being a purist on either path is nothing more than a display of ignorance. I myself do engage in peaceful meditation, but the passion never leaves me. There is a saying that can be adapted to explain this concept. Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.
I can never know the state of clarity or focus a normal person knows. You can ascribe it to medical reasons if you wish, or to metaphysical reasons, it remains equally true. My nature is my nature, but what I have come to realize in my self-knowledge is that reality is seamless, and as I may not be able to follow the forms and insights put down by wiser heads than my own, my own path has its own versions of these insights, and I can practice in a way that mirrors theirs in spirit if not literally.
Have you ever been so enraged you literally could not move? Could not act? That is itself a form of sitting, also known as meditation.
For me it was fear, not rage. Fear works equally well, as does despair. One can despair so deeply that even self-annihilation is impossible.
I guess I should summarize, and then go feed the restless Daemon (our cat). You likely have seen those who pose and posture as if they are students of the dark arts, adherents of a dark path. You can tell them quite easily. They will lavish attention and fascination over their fetish symbols. They will display morbid excitement if someone seems uneasy or even frightened at what they might say or do.
Griefers, hackers. Yes, and they will show little or no insight into what they actually seek to accomplish, what they actually want. Rebels without a clue. Reactionary slaves of a world that they themselves believe is too scary to confront directly. If they are lucky, they will either give this nonsense up, or they will decide that some other path is more satisfying than that one and move on to another pose. They are posers. If they are unlucky, they will cling to their delusions to the point they destroy themselves, often with drug abuse or some criminal abuse of others, or they will find someone with genuine insight who chooses to teach them.
Like Boot camp. Worse, like a spiritual hell on earth, stripping them of their petty hurt feelings, their empty hopes and shallow sense of self.
I kind of think boot camp can be good for some people. I don’t disagree, this just differs. In the end of the teaching, they can be left to build themselves back up if they fought their teacher tooth and nail, and maybe in doing so they will come to understand in truth what they pretended to understand before. If they become teachable though, their teacher, or if you prefer “guru”, can remain to help nurture their regrowth, but the choice on the dark path remains theirs. It isn’t about cruelty, but it does involve the essence of every horror we can imagine.
I hope this was positive for you in some way friends. The boogey man is not out to get anyone. They are living this life just like the rest of us.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.