Feeling you have to do what you can’t, prevents you from doing what you can.
I have had trouble with peace in the world. My big problem was that my nature was rejected. I was told that I was weird, scary, strange, evil. We have to find peace in ourselves first, but I fought. I could see why they said what they said, and I fought like hell.
Time reveals all they say, but eventually I came to a point where I couldn’t fight. I had exhausted my ability to fight myself and as burned out and bitter as I was, something strange happened. It stopped hurting. And for no reason I could make sense of, I actually began to feel good. As I let my nature have its place, I began to feel even better, not euphoric, not egotistical, just profoundly peaceful. Also a strange thing, I found I had insights that never occurred to me before. So not only did I feel more at peace, but I was better equipped to deal with people than I knew I was. It was almost like my shunned self was learning and growing despite me. So it was a true paradigm shift.
Why were you shunned? I began to have experiences very young and was “strange” even as a child. But as I began puberty, at age 9 which is unusual for a male, I began to have seizures. I have a “genetic defect”, and I also began to really reason through my experiences, discovering that there was something to what use to make my family just tell me to shut up. As my seizures worsened other things began to happen, “haunting” phenomenon, and I began to really tackle questions from my experiences. At age twelve I had had enough of being told I was being influenced by Satan, risking my soul, and that if I were a good Christian I wouldn’t be troubled by my experiences. Satan is the typical threat of many religions. Anything that seems scary gets blamed on Satan, ‘the devil made you do it’. I didn’t hurt anyone and wasn’t tempted to do harm. So I turned away from my faith and began to study other sources. Things went weird from there.
I was twelve when I made the break from Christianity. At 19 a “friend” had convinced everyone in the city I even now live in that I was a Satanist. I don’t worship anything, nor do I revere any principle of evil. I hold life and truth sacred and still pursue understanding of life and my experience.
It was your psychic ability that your family thought was evil? Yes, especially responses that people would consider mediumship. I have never been possessed. I don’t even trance channel usually.
From a reincarnation point of view, you set yourself a difficult challenge being born into such a family? Yes. I think it was to make me accept myself, otherwise I may have successfully rejected what I am. I don’t know. The pain made me let go of any ideas of my self from the outside. It made me unable to identify with conditioned roles.
So peace is like gravity, all it takes is either trust or a push. Trust is less uncomfortable. And as the Joker said “madness is like gravity“, so perhaps not a coincidence. The official opinion of most of the males in my family is that I’m crazy. My dad advised my little brother not to listen to my ideas for that reason.
What about the females? Fear or acceptance without understanding. Most of the females are actually dead though, cancer, obesity, car accident. The men are more aggressive and opinionated as am I. I had to accept my inherited aggression to be able to do what the males in my family do only poorly. A heritage of guilt and shame makes my male family a bit insane and bloody violent, so they never confront their aggression.
It’s commonly believed that some breeds of dog are inherently violent. This is not proven, and I have dealt with “violent” animals. I read the body language well, and in fact they can be quite docile. Subtlety doesn’t run in my family. One object of pride in my family is skill with a gun. They take pride in hunting. The one best with a gun is the one who least likes to kill with them, and that would be me. I was good enough with the gun to make it look like I shot at the animal. That I was actually pointing at it. I deliberately missed. It can take skill to miss because the animal will dart. You can hit totally on accident.
Would you say that you are a product of a disfunctional family? I would not say that. The reason I would not say that is just because my family failed to deal with aggression, I am the product of my own insights and decisions.
Not your families history of aggression towards each other and you? No. I am not a passive object to be produced by circumstances.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.