We always make a decision. I type these words and you will decide what they mean to you. It doesn’t have to be deliberate. We are conditioned if we aren’t instead mindful. It will happen one way or another.
For me, anything I get deeply enmeshed in seems to have a death clock start. There is a powerful creative initial surge, and then it winds down. I can feel the event playing out and losing any life. Sometimes this is healing for the person, and whatever falls apart needed to for their best interest. For others it’s just a stillborn possibility. I am sort of learning to be more volitional with this, but for the longest while it seemed like a storm that I just had to weather. It is why I embraced a lot of the symbolism I have. It is just expressing a fact of my metaphysical life.
Did omens around the events help you become more volitional on purpose? Yes. The circumstances I was getting in were repetitive, but my state wasn’t. The eventual decay of my composure came hand in hand with insights. Repeating omens can be a key to mapping out life events. And they were.
I was a very gentle child, but it wasn’t because I was a “good boy”. Even as a child the world struck me as strange and scary, and sharing my perceptions didn’t help. I found solace in my “meditative” moments, and tended to shun much involvement with my siblings as much as I could. My parents had singled me out, and rather than teaching me and giving affection they sheltered me and taught my brothers to leave me alone. Much like the meaning of “witch” I was set apart, but I didn’t do this from an actual antipathy and I resisted. I have a desire for companionship, a sense of kinship, but every attempt to connect with people met with failure to become involved with roles. Repetition of the failure was an omen of sorts. None of the collapses in my life have ever surprised me, but I denied much.
It sounds more like a stuck repeating pattern than an omen? A heads up for a new way of being, to do something different? Well in fact it runs deeper. As a child though my parents didn’t “parent” me, I learned things anyway. Much to the alienation of my flesh and blood parents, and there was always a sense of presence around me. I got along well with animals, even the “flighty” ones, but had more of a connection to primal things than anything human. As I matured more of my physical and metaphysical differences surfaced, and each failure seemed to feed an acceptance of some key truths. It wasn’t something I needed to learn. It was something I needed to unlearn, and in time I did. But until then, the echoes of my resisting my inner nature manifested in many ways. Repetitive to the point of madness.
All omens are repetitive echoes or synchronicities. Difference of scale only. Every event has an echo, and a omen is never of a single event without repercussions. The event that the omen points to will create waves. Though if you are deeply enmeshed in the event, you may not notice or care about the waves.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.