Are you a dog being wagged by its tail? Most are.
We were warned off of Tantra from someone, and about practising and discovering it for ourselves. That it was dangerous. Well actually any religion is, but fear is a cult dogma and there are those who take the sacred and profane it with ideas of ownership. Saying you must adhere to their guru, and know their teachings. The rise of the serpent force has happened in every tradition, and they have had contradictory teachings. What matters is an understanding of the force, and an understanding of self.
There are much deeper gratifications of sex than just carnal union, and they can be had with self development. But the emphasis on self development doesn’t invalidate the partnership. The spirits balance. One grows with the energy of the other in a way that a hermitage cannot hope to do. Withdrawal serves a purpose, and a limited one. Neglecting the divine union isn’t really justifiable is it?
No it isn’t and at times we reflect and realise that we may have done this and feel guilty. Guilt is what motivated the neglect. Guilt is not self arising; fear is, and sexual desire is, and hunger is. But guilt comes from something other than the sacred union. Passions are not evil. Untempered passion can be, but it doesn’t arise from accepting passion. It arises from rejecting it, and neglecting it. Then ideas crop up. Schemes to obtain what was at first sacred. The mind profanes the passions when you decide they are profane. Believe lust is unholy and you will make it unholy, but the mystics urge for union with god. It is very much a lust and leads to ecstasy. We have the way in us clearly. It’s us ourselves who defecate where we eat spiritually. Hunger is a passion. When someone says they are hungry we tell them go eat.
We were worried about how passion and lust fitted in and was it wrong or not in Tantra. No. You haven’t yet embraced tantra fully for that reason. You don’t avoid the toxic by telling yourself there is no toxicity. If you fear that your motives are unwholesome to your partner, meditate. But lust, the desire for the union, that pure enthusiasm for the sexual embrace, this is natural and good. It has the body and the hearts wisdom in it.
It could be dark things arise, and without self reflection and meditation, as the serpent force rises then you can be pushed in a way that is harmful, but a guru is not a must. If you have no self awareness it can be argued that even non tantric sex itself is not for you.
You need to sit in silence if it doesn’t feel right, and discussing what you seek in the divine union can do as much as meditation if not more sometimes. Discuss your feelings regarding the union, because feelings will go into it anyway. If you share a vision of the union, it makes it that much more powerful.
The actually gurus show and don’t tell. Ignore the wanna be guru. He was a self styled guru. It is one thing to claim understanding, another to show it.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.