Your tensions are memories. All of them whether intense or more subtle are even potentially scars. Scars are not flexible, but for every tension, especially chronic tensions, there are memories.
Beware. Anger seems to be an inflammatory topic. We all deal with anger frequently if not daily, and we have a lot of ways of dealing with it. We are actually told more about anger than we are about love. Yet of what use is it? If the common wisdom and understanding of angry is true and sound, how come we still have drunken bar fights? If the common ideas of how to manage anger are true, why is assault such a common criminal charge so much so that it’s pedestrian? All of the rationalization about anger gets us where?
Anger often seems to be a defense of the ego, or frustration of not being able to sufficiently defend our identity that we have chosen for ourselves? Oh, anger can go beyond that, but yes it is often related to that and seems totally crazy. That ego based anger is insane, and part of why we fear anger is that it threatens the ego. For some it isn’t that they get angry that’s the problem.
What is the difference between anger and hate? Hate is a judgment. You can be angry and have judged nothing. Even in signing chimpanzees and gorillas, one of the first things they learn to express is anger, not hate. They haven’t been able to convey that idea to them. Hate confuses them and looses their attention.
Anger is defense? Primal anger is defense and they have it to, but humans don’t stay with primal anger, they do this thing called thinking. They think they are angry, that they have a reason to be angry, and are justified in their anger. Thus anger becomes a twisted mind warping thing. We take a natural reaction like we do with lust and over dramatize it until it consumes us. It’s said in the story of the great flood that all their thoughts were evil eternally. It doesn’t say they were stupid people or that they weren’t responsible people. They likely felt they were being very responsible, even enlightened. But people dwell, they seem to be forever trying to fix things. Fix people. They begin to see people as their problems. In all their thinking, their thoughts become of evil, constantly. I am not villainizing anyone. Jesus spoke against that, yet it’s actually often ignored by the followers of Christ.
Has anger something to do with fear? Indirectly. We have two instinctive fears. Only two: loud noises which served to alert us at one time of possible threat when the predator comes crashing through the bushes; and falling which prevents us from going off cliffs, etc. Literally all other fears are learned, and they are learned in defense. The primal anger arises from defense, and is the fight or flight response.
Now fear like anger gets run through our incredible ability to think, to say “I know this and this is exactly what it is, and it isn’t ever anything else”. It is a sort of binary thinking, and really that arises from a distortion of our relationship to anger. Because we don’t understand our anger, and just judge it as bad which others may have convinced us of. We just push it away and ignore it.
It’s why I feel afraid of someone when they are very angry. I can’t stand being in the same room. Yes, very likely. Their body language conveys derangement. We all feel this from seeing a parent or a partner get very angry. It is how it gets conveyed to us and we model our partnerships, or tend to, on our parents.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.