People get very hung up on “who they are”, and protest the unfairness of others not realizing who they are. For some people getting angry is actually quite functional, for others it isn’t at all. But I ask you, are we entitled to dictate an ego to others and insist they accept it? (Ego = self image.)
Entitled or not, many attempt this and fail and bemoan their failures, but they never need have failed like that. The world extends an opportunity for you to succeed at anything and does it all the time. But it isn’t “me”. Whatever story you tell yourself about your life, the gate the world gives you is most likely not that.
Truth be told, our minds all function the way they function, and you are valuable to everyone for reasons that are entirely theirs. They are not, nor can they be, of your making. What you are to them is what they think you are, and you can’t change that.
This is why the survivors are those who reinvent themselves often? The reinventors are engaged in a seeking and problem solving. They are trying to find the way the world welcomes them, and they can find it. But the most advice they could get is actually pretty bad.
You mean can’t? No, I mean they can. They just need to pay attention. It takes some a long time to realize where the answer is. Where their welcome is to be found, but every time someone offers you an opinion of who they think you are, that’s your welcome. No, they aren’t seeing you. They are seeing themselves, and it’s the only interface you will ever have. It’s all you can give them either.
Yet I know at certain levels the world has been made to order, so will accept you anyway. I agree, and this is the way it does. In fact, you will find that people don’t have infinitely different opinions about you. There will be a strong measure of agreement between people, even if they have never spoken to each other.
So at first it’s good to experiment till you find your favourite? Actually, you are finding their favourite, and when you do they will permit you to do and be whatever you are because you established that you are “safe”. You are comprehensible. They will let you do seemingly outrageous things, as long as they are permitted to “understand”. The person who declares “You don’t know me!” is a raging fool.
Oh, sure. They want to be in on it, participate too. They will even cooperate, and for most of those who declare that they are not understood, when confronted they can’t offer any self knowledge either. Just a long list of stories and boring useless rhetoric, and thus naturally people are disinclined to work with them.
There are actually three ways people will accept you.
- From the sexual instinct on an animal level.
- Sentiment. You represent something they believe in, thus are the trusted friend or trusted “elder” even if you aren’t older than them.
- Or awe. You represent the unknown.
Does anyone have a way not represented by these three?
Humour maybe? Humour is awe. Even wit has impact for its shock value. Or sentiment? Or sentiment, but that results more in “isn’t that cute” than actual laughter.
Can’t humour be used in all three in slightly different ways? Yes. Shock jocks on the radio use it as awe. Politicians use it as sentiment, and witty flirting is sexual.
When I first came to the job I was in, all the women were republican. Catholics, very conservative. I was ethnic with tattoos, non religious, non government. It took a while for them to finally accept me. Talk about being under glass! People show their soft underbellies all the time. Rub the bellies of those who have been kind to you, shove those of those who take without giving, and rend those who rend yours. This is my belief of course.
There are people who only speak the language of suffering for one reason or another. They will actually seek you out because they identify that you are someone who will fight with them. Who will either suffer or give them suffering. Best to avoid these, but if you can’t, make sure you make yourself too much for them to handle.
Are those psychic vampires? Actually no, psychic vampires rely on sentiment. It is the difference between predator and parasite.
We call them skin walkers. Stay away from them! They will suck the life out of you. Though to offer a different view of this. There are those who rather than speaking the language of suffering instead speak the language of “destruction”, and though they seem like monsters they may actually have a compassionate motive. You sometimes have to break snares, even destroy what another has wrought so they will avoid greater suffering, but it’s actually only an act of transformation.
I wait for them to realize they are with a vampire who heals. Calling Kali. Kali is a great mother, and if you are of that school you know your soul goes into her arms when you die. She’s actually quite loving.
Sometimes we are numb, then we need to be smacked awake. Or shocked when your heart has forgotten to beat. Fortunately for the peace the destroyer types are very few, and pretenders are readily apparent and have little or no impact.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.