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In every practice you find a shadow. But purity is not reviling any part of life.

Drive To Engage in Curiosity


As a young boy I was very quiet, but when I became a teen I reversed that and became very vocal and encountered disagreement at every turn from my family, from my friends. Everyone just thought me a fool. But for the life of me neither could I agree with them, though it would have been much easier.

Because of a combination of my personal experiences and my driving curiosity, I even departed from the religion of my family. This was met with out and out hostility, but I didn’t do it to spite them. It had nothing to do with them. I had to take care of myself, and was dying as I struggled to live according to their guidance. I had crippling hives, heart palpitations, other forms of organic decay.

Curiosity is the drive to engage. To connect not only to other things, but to connect things to other elements of your experience too. It’s necessary for survival, as well as any chance you have at prosperity.

Proof that nothing is “just in your mind.” Your body reacts. True. My experience gave me the proof. I don’t have to have someone give me permission to trust my experiences. If I do not, I suffer. Very physically, as my mind seems to be possessed of an incredible force that burns if I don’t channel it.

This explains why some people age when they retire from a job. They’re in decay, because they’ve put down curiosity? Exactly. They think if they are retired, they aren’t allowed to be interested in “real life” or the “real world” anymore.

Is that reacting to the conflict like an allergy? It literally is a psychologically induced allergic reaction. I can seem obsessive at times as that conflict flairs up in me. It literally hurts, physically.

They stop striving really. They just kind of stop. We survive by the body working, and the body obeys the mind. Even in the case of “normal” people, if you keep thinking “stop”, the body responds with “Ok, if you really think so” with the rather rapid decline as the systematic shutdown happens. Your body formed in stages so it shuts down in stages. It can’t under natural circumstances shut down immediately, but really, do you want a self induced slow death?

So for all you curious cats, don’t get confused. It isn’t your curiosity that will hurt you. It’s your care/worry/doubt. Ennui kills. Ennui is a word used to refer to the perception of an absence of games. An absence of anything you want to do. Since my wife and I got together, I have introduced her to a lot of literal games, as well as things that could be called metaphorical games.

I first heard of that word as the only thing that will kill a Vampire. Well, besides beheading or a stake through the heart. That’s a good example. What can kill a vampire is when they just don’t want to live. This kills us too. You don’t have to be undead.

But ok, let’s say you have limited resources, either material or mental, and in the case of mental resources you just can’t think of things to do. It doesn’t matter how little you have of any kind of resource, because you are in the same world we are. It’s all still out there, and you still have a lot of options for how to relate to it that have nothing to do with the obvious resources.

The one way to truly eternal life, that I’m aware of, is to be enraptured by the universe. No fixed thing, but the whole universe as a process. Even if it isn’t literally eternal life, it can feel like it, and isn’t that all that matters?

I will be walking around with my magnifying glass and a butterfly net. If you want to do that, then you should. But you may want to just watch the butterflies as the consequence of catching them might be unappealing. I don’t have a butterfly net. And my guess, knowing you, you don’t really want one either, but it can still be a good metaphor for an attitude you can carry with you.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive

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