On habit, shall we move into the middle ground? I will continue to speak from my experience for a while.

I have in my life to date asked for feedback regarding the rules other people live by. Sometimes with idle curiosity. Sometimes with impassioned and highly invested interest as the nature of my relationships with people differed. My efforts to date are almost fruitless. I would willingly adopt behavioural parameters that suit those I love, and would utilize any information shared by even casual acquaintances in a constructive way, but every time I try to bridge this gap it instead grows deeper. The person asked becomes alienated. I think I know why, but correct me if I’m wrong.

My efforts to get a description of the rules makes a normal person feel insecure. I think they are actually unaware of their preferences and the ideation they work with to allow the coherent picture of their life. Even if they understand what I am asking, they don’t want to look at that in themselves as it seems to threaten their sense of security.

Yes. It points out to us our robot nature, I think. That threatens peoples sense of identity. I envy them their stability, and resent them their judgements of me. But I have come to disregard the possibility of actually having a working understanding across this psychic border.

This reminds me of a book I’m reading. The book features a house keeping staff, and when the head housekeeper dies the rest are left with out knowing where to even place their feet. They have been so used to being told what to do and when to do it. And yet they won’t allow an “outsiders” say either. The one who was second in command wouldn’t allow it, no. Yet she turned down the offer of the position. The only person who could fix this is someone who shows a recognizable stamp on their being.

Normal people have a sense of order, including pecking order. If I were more inclined to try to prove myself in the human pecking order, my behaviours would just be considered anti-social. Because the drama required to break through the shell of human understanding would take crisis level outbursts.

This happens in so many jobs. No one is shown how to take initiative. They are not shown and do not actually want to. Those who take positions of leadership seems to have to (in a sense) age into it only by accumulating a large body of passive experience, and having that shape one are they considered fit to occupy those positions.

Maybe this is why people take offence when a young and fresh boss turns up instead of old mister so and so. It is not easy leading those who are older than you. Yes.

Due to my own condition, though I am perhaps early middle age, my flesh and blood has moved into some states humans equate only with advanced biological maturity. Other aspects of my physical condition prevent aspects of that same supposed maturation. My nerves won’t myelinate properly so I don’t show a speed up when performing habituated tasks.

No wrinkles? I do have fewer wrinkles than a man my age, but I am not wrinkle free. But I have creases on my finger tips that are apparently seen in a seventy year old.

I always thought laugh lines were attractive and so are crows feet. Our habits do engrain in our faces over time. They do more than that.

Even if you refuse to accept the possibility of another person reading your neural pattern, they manifest in a subtle rhythm that shows up in your body language. This is even more pronounced when you are standing still and doing nothing. I do sometimes wish people would actually stand still. It’s like standing on a dance floor full of speed freaks. They just don’t stop their rhythms.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~