My prize is in seeing.
I have to apologize. This has been a tough topic for me.
I feel like people are islands, because they choose to be. They devise all sorts of complicated strategies for understanding each other, the social world, all sorts of ideals and rules, and no one plays by the same rules really. Those that are shared are shallow and really mechanistic, seem to grinds people’s hearts into the dust.
I have tried my whole life to try and feel a sense of brotherhood with my fellow man, join them in experiencing all the things that seem to mean so much to them, and I have failed. One persons suffering is another person’s indifferent issue, some vague abstraction that they feel others are foolish to give any importance to. Everyone seems very concerned about the truth and honesty – who is being honest, who is trustworthy – the whole time judging each other by standards that they themselves have never lived up to.
If you have such disdain for the social structures, why do you seek to be accepted by it? What is it you are seeking? I said I disdain anything? I look to orient.
So you are just seeking to be accepted by something you feel you are not welcomed into? It has nothing to do with feelings as such. There is a class of processes that science refers to as “orienting” responses, like fight or flight, or facial recognition, things like that. We take a great deal of our understanding of the world from how our brains tell us these things are or are not happening.
I don’t feel anyone is judging me. My feelings don’t really play into the matter at all. I only find myself continuously trying to orient with behaviors from others that never seem to match up. Like a game being played, but the rules involve switching between games at what seem like random intervals. I lose my ability to track the changes. I lose any sense of the game at all. Does this sound like disdain? My every instinct moves me to encounter another human being, and I don’t get the sense that I ever do.
I would say you folks have the upper hand. You understand the rules of this social exchange. You feel you know where this is going, why it happened, what it means about me, what your reactions mean about you.
It is one of those things you can probably understand what it feels like but not explain it. I would say I cannot. All I feel I saw was gaps. The social tapestry seems to have holes, and the system seems to display gross inconsistencies.
And if we say we feel the same way, feel we see gaps as well? Then excellent, nothing needs to be discussed, everyone understands.
Perhaps we all have similar feelings, just in different areas, as we are all human, all unique. Does that help anyone else?
Today’s topic seemed like it might be one of my most meaningful, seemed like it might impart a theme to my whole work, because it’s from this point of view that I have arrived at anything else I talk about. It seems to show my words to be empty, my efforts meaningless.
Most teachers speak from text, preconceived ideas they have derived and regurgitate. Yours is spontaneous and spoken from the heart and also interconnects in very holistic ways that can really best be seen when someone has experience with a large sample of your material, hence the depth. Thank you for saying so, and thank you for sharing your time today friends. My apologies again for what was something much less than meaningful.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.