I know I may seem like the stereotypical sex obsessed male, but when you give your body place, and sex is the most powerful force to encourage that (that or strife), then your consciousness changes. Your engagement with all of life changes. I’m using it not from obsession, but from its actual primacy in consciousness, and I am using it on purpose. It is in a sense freeing it from its commercial use.
They say sex sells. They are right, but people don’t think that through. They just see female eye-candy and dismiss that with sex sells, not thinking any more deeply. But in fact it does sell. Men seek prestige symbols for it, women seek health and beauty tricks for it, clothing is picked for public image, the “sexy” person is magnetic and influential. What doesn’t it influence in life? And it runs most to root. The biggest block to freedom from that is fear. Fear and sex are intimately intertwined, but nobody thinks that through either. Primally they are the attraction/aversion dynamic in its most primitive form, and they are not separate from each other.
In what way are sex and fear linked? Is it related to orgasm being a little death? Oh in part, and sex is an inherently aggressive act even if not violent. But the stereotype of males being the natural sexual aggressors is off. It can be argued that for aggressive women it is almost an act of consuming their partners and unless repressed (and seems everyone does) this aggression arises naturally for those who are “built that way”. There is a whole section genetically linked to aggression. It can be argued to have a naturally positive purpose, but it isn’t necessarily universal. Alpha males and alpha females arise in most higher order species. In the lower order species the alpha male doesn’t arise at all.
Is this the ‘dominate’ dynamic? Yes, but despite human philosophy males aren’t exclusively dominant. Another interesting point is that you hear of the male pursuit of sex, but this isn’t really how it works. The funny image of some geeky weak male being ravished by a woman is actually biologically false. The instinct is to seek strength. The dominant females wants someone strong enough to handle her, but is still not to give herself up to. She takes, she doesn’t give. So though some may look askance at this attitude if embraced, in a way they are being much more feminine than the girly females who supposedly are the “real women”. The girly females are the equivalent of geeky males. Have you noticed they tend to pair and both scatter when their role is acknowledged? Another example of role reversal; what about sexy men and smart women?
Instinctively we know what makes our species continue, and it isn’t even necessarily bodily strength. Big, beefy and stupid often fails and dies. Always has. Yes, the instinct is to look for signs of health and fitness, but the homo sapiens brain has been getting bigger for a reason. There is a reason it’s the biologically dominant organ, otherwise according to science we would be chimps. It is also why we have proportionately over developed sex drives and organs, and whether people like it or not they have a very powerful influence on the brain. For a reason.
The reason for sex drives is for the mind to build from there. In the case of a chimp they need the capacity for sex, but their lives are very simple. Eat, relax, have sex, move if needed. They are perfectly happy to sit in the dirt for long periods. This is fine for them. Things changed. Simians became more adaptable and likewise more entrenched in an environment. We developed bigger brains not to be philosophers, we did it to fight. It was our answer to a predators muscles, teeth and claws, but this fear driven bigger brain gets distracted by the fight or flight response. So for the species to continue, reproduction had to be attention getting. Some use the “humans have sex for pleasure” thing to justify sexual moralism. I think they are over estimating the human mind. There is pleasure, and it stimulates the human mind more than anyone wants to admit though there is plenty of evidence for it. Due to human sexual development, sex=fighting=sex=thinking=sex. Sound mistaken?
Part of your hunger when you want someone is not just that you will get sex is it? Is that even a big part of it? But your mind is on sex and you have a variety of reasons even if you are being very primal. Hence you see in movies how people fall into bed getting turned on when they are fighting with someone. That is natural actually. Funny thing though, in those cases who is usually the aggressor? Who wins the fight? The woman, though if natural the female dominance is sort of blurred in the height of passion. But what do you tend to see when a couple is all thinky? Male dominates, and in fact it often doesn’t seem really natural either. Female is often left unsatisfied. Men are supposedly the seekers of sex, but what backs that up?
Women don’t want to be male, but here comes the shocker. Women want that dynamic they see naturally in a man. The mystery, and what you don’t yet know, is that you already have it. This is why everyone picks the partner they do and most break up. The chosen partner can’t give them what they want. They are it. They can’t give it. The thing often said in sex by women, ‘I want you inside me’. This isn’t totally figurative, but they don’t do what would work because the feelings seemed to clash with their normal feminine mode. But the normal feminine mode is also that aggression.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.