Failure is composed of a set of destructive emotions. F=frustration, A=aggression, I=insecurity, L=loneliness, U= uncertainty, R=resentment, E=emptiness, but emotions and feelings are not the same. Emotions are conditioned action. Feeling is innate sensitivity. The idea of failure is actually pretty crippling. It is a self fulfilling prophecy, and the biggest reason for that is we villainize the feelings that lead to failure.
They say in Taoism that if on the way you encounter resistance, it’s not because it’s impossible, you just don’t know the way yet.
“There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them.” Tom Krause (motivational speaker, Teacher and Coach, b.1934)
“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet.” Mahatma Gandhi (Indian Philosopher, internationally esteemed for his doctrine of nonviolent protest, 1869-1948)
Failure is one of the biggest demons anyone faces, and poorly understood in part because people feel it has to be understood as they conceive of it. Natures wisdom gives us what are very natural negative feedback mechanisms, but in our thinking we tend to push them aside. In doing so we are controlled by them rather than controlling them. Like pain itself, the biggest aspect of pain management, that they teach in hospitals, is not being afraid of the pain response. Yet we take our feelings, the ones we don’t like, and decide because it’s supposedly wisdom, to not… Seek More
The first emotion of failure is frustration. People mistake frustration, and take feeling frustrated personally. Frustration is at first a feeling, both natural and valid. It comes about when we are thwarted from achieving something we were highly motivated to achieve, but it doesn’t usually stop at a feeling. We have emotions about the feeling. Ways we feel compelled to act when we are frustrated. One typical reaction is to believe that because we were frustrated in our action, that we can’t or aren’t supposed to do it. But you wanted to do it, and that doesn’t go away so… Seek More
The next emotion of failure is aggression. Yet aggression is even more villainized in peoples minds than frustration is, and ignores huge parts of how the human mind works. It’s seen as more dramatic than frustration, but it is just another part of what is a very natural aspect of how we function. Aggression doesn’t mean violence. To exert our will in the world, even to decide to give to another or help another get what they want, is inherently an aggressive act. It isn’t wrong. Studies show that more so than even love, there is a need in human… Seek More
Insecurity is another emotion that stops us. Emotions are not inherently bad, though people often declare that they are, because they feel they are powerless to deal with them. Their emotions are how they are dealing. The emotion that makes us cuddle a lover or a child isn’t bad, but these emotions I speak of are stumbling blocks and are commonly misunderstood. They need not trip anyone up. We feel like we should be able to achieve, and just keep a status quo. We get there and stay there, but that isn’t how life works so we feel insecurity. People get… Seek More
We are not of our nature solitary creatures. When we feel lonely and make declarations of how we don’t need anyone, that isn’t about people. It’s about ourselves. We feel frustrated, so we try to deny that we have worth. In a perverse way it’s a tactic for putting ourselves on the side of those we perceive to reject us, and it doesn’t work. All loneliness is self rejection of our desire for love, of our desire to be in the world and to be seen, and can stymie our self expression and happiness as much if not more than… Seek More
People in the name of ego will refuse to take risks, and make choices. So their freedom of action is very limited. They refuse to make a mistake so they refuse to do anything at all. Thus in the name of ego they withhold themselves. They withhold there own happiness (which is infectious and a great gift) in the effort to save face. So they save the flimsy ugly Halloween mask, and as long as they play the role of ‘never wrong’, they also are locked into ‘never right’ and out of the world itself. Uncertainty is a “silent killer”,… Seek More
Resentment is an effort to address what has passed, and you cannot influence. It keeps you very much trapped in ego, and keeps you from maintaining much of what you value and want to keep in life, let alone new things. Resentment is an effort to undo something in your past. Something you can’t undo. Even if the wrong was addressed, you would still be in resentment. It is a vicious cycle, because you will be on your guard. I hear people almost proudly declare they have an emotional wall up. That’s selfishness, but in kind though they choose that… Seek More
There are those who jumped every hurdle, play the game perfectly, and none of it was ever them. They learn the game really well, but because they weren’t coming from that place inside of them they succeeded to fail. It was success, but not their success. They started off on some one else’s foot, so though they seem to have been a success, they actually failed. They are just as unhappy if not more so than the person who is still very much frustrated, but trying from the place of their personal way. They are not themselves, and are successful… Seek More
Is happiness the indicator of success? Yes, when you are self fulfilled then you are successful. It’s more than most peoples understanding of happiness. When you are on your path, it just feels right. Everything feels right. Happiness is a state of mind? No, true happiness is a state of being. Contentment is another valid descriptor. Even ecstasy in the religious sense. You are enlightened when you see your deepest self, and it isn’t any more complicated than that. To see the dark side in you is as valid as the light. Others expecting you to be something, just one… Seek More