Death is an illusion. Every atom in your body is immortal. After is illusory. After is an afterthought when you weren’t otherwise paying attention. “Don’t be afraid.” “You die now.” Living death? Better than the alternative. I would rather live death than die my life. I died yesterday and the day before. I never felt so alive.
My sensory development is unusual, so the context for my experience is different. Some “normal” experience is muted for me and this makes them call me autistic.
Do you have extra sensory perception? Extra-sensory perception is ill defined. For me, my orientation is more metacognitive. For I guess the normal person, sensory information is more attention getting. For me, internal processes are more attention getting.
Example: Taste is weaker for me, but anger feels like physical injury, and I have no “subconscious” partition so I can’t ignore things.
Does the problem of pain caused by anger bring the frustration of anger? No. No frustration. People comment that I seem non-reactive to distress. Here is the counter balance. The check on any frustration and the deeper horror. I relate to anyone. You or anyone else, first by something I sense in my head. As a kid, I would just share what I sensed in my head. I didn’t know there was anything wrong with it, but I was always met with the negative reaction. But not only that, I would sense what was in my head change from whatever normal pattern I felt to fear, confusion, disgust. It was overwhelming, very intimidating, so I was and have been too afraid to be frustrated.
For me, I sense a persons presence by something that could be metaphorically compared to breathing, and well… I guess I do have a deep seated frustration, but it has grown to an outrage.
I’d resent not being allowed to resent, and be angry for being denied the right to be angry. I know this, because this is the midway point where my emotions dangle from. I went to a chiropractor this week. I relaxed enough for him to really click the cracking crap out of me. In my humbled state, I admitted I’d been pretending to be ok my whole life and it just wasn’t generating enough endorphins. Endorphin generation can get exhausted. Those glands need rest.
I feel I don’t work them enough. This is also possible. Your neural patterns are conditioned. Neural anagrams follow cognitive forms and they are not serial. It isn’t a single path to a single destination. Any series of neural cascades can have the same meta-effect.
Neural plasticity is one of the aberrations of my condition. I can’t form “routines”, so I can’t do anything on auto pilot. This can be very fatiguing. The closest I can get to those “habits” is active continuous cognitive training. Sort of mental forms I have to reinforce to act like I have habits, psychological katas. This is why I ask my wife from time to time for “rule” information. It isn’t because I am obsessed with rules, but I can’t keep up with her patterns sometimes. So if I can get any idea of what informs her decisions, I can set myself up to fake like I’m on the same page.
How I resolved my frustration… Can you allow fire? Does allowance make fire come into being?
Making fire requires tools. Or natural processes of which tools could be said to be an agent. Anger is like fire. If you are stuck in what’s allowed, the fire will burn you, because it is a force of nature. If you accept that the frustration/anger is a force of nature, then you don’t need anyone’s permission nor do you need to allow anything. You can instead focus on choosing your preferred way of relating to it. Letting it be and letting yourself be aware of it without trying to “be” it. Is being angry necessary? Is feeling angry enough? If you feel angry instead of be angry, then you can make intelligent choices about the anger. Like watching a fire burn, it has a healthy level, but if you see it’s gone too far you can put it out. But you have to be able to sense it to control it.
Can you feel angry without having your body react to it? Your body will react to anger always, but you don’t have to react to your body.
It comes too quick for me. Hmm, well emotions has a physics to it. Can you get angry between outbursts?
My outbursts are the anger. I would say your anger outlasts the outburst. This is why they would be chronic. Can you feel the anger now?
Yes, but it’s ok. I’m not angry about it. 😉 That’s another stumbling block. People think anger is about things. Anger is a force, no object necessary. But like fire it exists in relationship to other forces and can be rebalanced by these other forces. This is why people don’t effectively control anger.
I shall look for the rebalancing effect in the people it latches itself to. You look for it in you. They will always seem like objects. Objects to love or be angry at, to understand or to ignore. You can’t draw action from them.
Each emotion has a “weight”, a degree of force. We don’t choose this quality. It’s innate, even maybe biological, but like dropping a stone into water the behaviour is predictable.
But seeing other people quicker will give me the tools I need. Ah true. Yes, being mindful of what they are doing that might trigger you. This is necessary, yes.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.