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Simple truth, there is no such thing as absolute change. In any change that occurs in your life something always endures.

Jump into the Abyss in Anxiety


Suppression for the common good. Abstinence makes the heart grow colder. Makes it grow downright dead. I often speak of how I feel alone, and people usually just dismiss it as more drama, as my anxiety. No, it’s just my experience.

I can see this pattern of communication and reaction.  The initial action even comes from a dead source and institution that has no purpose but to enrich its head, be that government or business. There isn’t actually any thought. Dollar bills don’t think, nor do people whose sole purpose in life is to gain dollar bills. So everywhere I go it’s like I’m staring at credit cards, and they aren’t great conversationalists. Their faces are dead, their thoughts routine. I can see the wraith of a soul that once lived there. At times I contemplate resurrection, but the wraiths aren’t friendly. They have been taught to defend their masters, and often do to their death (cancer, heart attack). They don’t want to be awake. Then they would have to accept that their pain is their fault.

Fight yourself and inevitably you lose. Self control isn’t self discipline. It’s like hitting yourself so the other person won’t have to. Self discipline is proper focus. It isn’t about control and you don’t need a censor. You will have plenty of opposition anyway, and that’s fine. For everyone who thinks something should go one way, someone else will have the opposite idea.

Death of soul winds up with death of the flesh. A machine not looked after wastes away. They worry about all these little things, but give no thought to what has been driving them mad in the first place. They don’t work to live, they work to die. So they can forget why they were fighting with their spouses, why their life feels so empty, and why their kids are so miserable. Which makes them even more afraid, because the children really are our future. I know fear really well. You might say it’s my whole world, and I’m not talking about my fear.

To reference Heinlein, fear is the mind killer. We can’t learn much from living in fear. It’s sort of like saying you can learn to live from killing yourself. We can adapt to circumstance like being sick, but we can’t adapt to self inflicted injury like fear. The only way to change that is to see that you are doing it, own that choice, then let yourself heal. In my case, that wasn’t my challenge. Seeing why I didn’t work for others was my challenge.

You don’t avoid a fear by ignoring it. That is like the child’s behaviour when they block their own vision and declare that the parent can’t see them. If a snake threatens you, it is best to watch it very closely. Respect is the opposite of fear, and respect leads to right action. What is there is there, and it is bigger than you. It came about not by you, but by the actions of the world itself although you are there too. So don’t cry unfair, the world isn’t listening. The unfair thing is there for a reason. The real question is, “What will you do? That is what matters. What is in you to do? For me, it is in me to love. So knowing your fear what would you choose? Will you choose the fear still? Do you have any vision that is really yours?

People label me disabled because of my social reactions, my isolation, and reactions to routine behaviour. I react to what I see. It is very hard for me to find anything to work with, and I’m just not equipped to play the popular game. It drains me really quickly, and I won’t smash my hand just because you gave me a hammer and told me to.

Heretic? Yes. This is what I am, warlock, betrayer, oath breaker, but I didn’t make the promise in the first place. Promises were made to me as they were to everyone else, I just saw they were empty. I thought people could be reached by faking it and speaking the language of the promise. That doesn’t work either.

Do you think there is actually hope that the world can pull out of it? In a way. Eventually they will have to confront their fear head on because of what they did. It will be a real “What the f#@k?” moment. It is going to make things very complicated, and actually it already is. Any adaptation will be small. One monkey washes its food, eventually its troupe does, then eventually they all do. We adapt to circumstance. We don’t and can’t adapt to self inflicted injury.

So, people do need to crash to change? Depends on the person. Depends on how awake they are. If they open their eyes even a little bit they might start walking on purpose rather than being the blind lead by the deaf. The bigger the crowd the more asleep they seem to get. Then they can say, “It’s not my fault.” If it hurts, it is your fault, or just a circumstance. But in the case of circumstance it will pass, and no need to get over worried.

Wu wei. Rather than make a way to deal with things, use the way that is in the supposed problem anyway. Life finds a way.

All staring into the abyss I’ve shown? Jump on in the emptiness is fine.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive


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Your Insights on “Jump into the Abyss”

  1. Jeff

    That is a very good article, you said how I feel much better than I could. I have gotten to the place where I can hardly watch TV because the commercials are like finger nails on a chalk board to me. I could build a tree with all the junk mail I have received in the last 6 months. Its like there is no escape, it stalks you. The people following there programing like walking PCs. How could you ever know anyone that doesn’t even know themselve’s. It all starts
    very early, the training to become a non-child. School is the real
    start for losing yourself for most, not that education is bad. It is the institutionalized way it is brought about that bothers me and being forced to strip naked and shower with a bunch of people
    is a very dehumanizing thing. I think; by design. I am assuming
    that this still happens, it did when I was a kid.

  2. Anonymus Eye

    First of all i feel like saying sorry for my bad english, even if i don’t realy mean it, i must say it. sorry!
    You probably know that man’s biggest fear is the answear to a question, the question “what if?”. I feel sorry for my hunting dogs and i want to release them from slavery, but… what if? what if they will kill everything and leave the woods emty? we would starve and die eventualy for that is our nature, without a leader we are nothing more than mere beasts set loose. i do not like people telling me what i should do, or more corectly, what i MUST do! but than i think, if i was free, i mean realy free, no money and forced work, would i be more happy? our existance was not founded from the start based on the ideea of freedom so we do not know how to live free, we just asume that we could do it, that it is easy and within our reach, yet it’s so far far away…. some must pay with there “soul” and by that i mean the ones you called wraiths and even if it seems they are selfish in there nature they are the ones that make sure there is a tomorow for you and me.
    I have much to say but some things are better left alone, for the better of all. As i conclude my childish ideeas for i do not see myself as a mature, i want to say that i agree with all the things you said even if it does not seem so. we deserve better, but for that we need not to be humans, we need to be more than humans. until than we are stuck in our own ways of surviving.

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