I talk a lot does it make me a fool? I am saying silence by itself isn’t wisdom. A man of few words can just be dull.
The best results are the ones I couldn’t have thought up or expected. But you can be in touch with what takes you there. We all can with awareness. You likely even now in your lives have a sense for how your life is going to go, and it very likely contradicts your ideas. This is why people speak how they do about life and see it as scary, but honestly it’s not.
But first, anyone not have a sense for their life’s flow? Even if it’s just to eddy in a circle for a bit, those circles drill holes in the earth, move soil away, and the river runs deeper after.
I think I am in the eddy now. Does it feel bad? Only when other people say it should feel bad when I don’t. Do you feel ok staying in that whirlpool for a while? Yes, I do.
I will offer that you can trust your own awareness. Your own spirit/ chi/ energy/ mind need to go deeper for a while, and it’s very possible your partner is going deeper with you. It can be a good place to be for the time being.
He doesn’t care for it. He would rather not be worrying about paying the rent. Well, he might have some personal struggles, but it is possible it’s helping him anyway.
These flows give energy to each other, and you can gain this energy freely or lose energy to them because you have an expectation you place above reality. The proper place for expectations is not above reality or beneath reality. Place them alongside and let them dance. Then you will find the steps go easily.
He blames a lot of stuff on it being different then how it is in his home country. This is a misapprehension, but it’s possible he needs that. They call that projection. He brought something with him from the old flow. He hasn’t embraced the new. It can be scary to swim between these currents, but it is because people don’t realize it’s one river.
How can I help my husband be more comfortable in the eddy we are in? It’s possible you can’t, but you can move in his circle, at least touching his circle. You don’t have to immerse. That isn’t really constructive a lot of times. He will be touched.
I do tend to let him rant. This is good. Keep with that, but also let him rest and let him be quiet.
Then he says, well you don’t offer any help. So ranting is no help. Ok. Then as has been said, the secret to being a good leader is figure out where people are going and get in front of them. You are more comfy in your eddy than he is, so let yourself flow in that circle faster. Be where he is going, but be you at that stage.
Example. If my partner is going to sink into depression, I can be at the despair stage before she gets there and comfort her now. If she’s going into frustration, I can be at the adapted stage and offer her that now. It is constructive expectation, but I don’t make her compromise.
So you would tell her how frustrated you are at seeing her so depressed? No. That’s dissonance, and doesn’t serve a purpose other than to break flow.
So you stop them in their tracks? By being there and being me. Being aware in the place where they are going. Not being their awareness.
I think I just need to let my husband adjust at his own pace. Yes, and support by flowing with him.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.