Absolutist thinking is a vicious falsehood, creates only confusion.
It’s about connecting in the wrong way. To say “I am sorry” is almost self insult. Yes. The way they saw it, they needed to do something, or you did, and apology was pointless. They understood the concept when white people put it to them. They just thought it was crazy.
And honestly with most people who say they’re sorry, you know they’ll do it again. This is part of why they are moved to say it, and their motivation might not even be evil. There was another Native American understanding, and one of the major lessons of the Heyoka. You will do wrong. You will hurt people. This is fact. The important question is not why did you do it. Why you did it sort of doesn’t matter. The important question is “Now what?”, and most people who do wrong want right.
First off, heal the hurt you caused yourself. Yes. You do have to be aware of and handle your own stress.
A writer friend and I were talking about this. Errors of our parents. Errors of us as parents. We hurt others. Simple as that. Perceptions vary person to person, age to age. The thing to do is go on from there. If there is something to learn or change, go for it. Yes, and a spiritual group not allowing darkness is practicing ignorance not transcendence, and it isn’t good parenting to say you do no wrong to your kids. That is lying, denial. It’s betrayal honestly. If you would betray your kids, who wouldn’t you betray?
Yes, and we then spend our lives also denying the hurt done to us. So we don’t fix ourselves. We share darkness as well as lightness. Darkness + light = spirit. Spirit = heart, and what do our kids need?
Spirit and heart. They need love. Wise love, tough love, fun love, correcting love. The whole bag of it all. Yes, and you can’t give what you don’t have. I learned early to accept myself due to my disability. I didn’t learn to like myself, but I did learn to accept myself. Being honest and admitting dark connections is still bonding. It gives them permission to share theirs too, thus more bonding. If you tell your partner that you’re pissed off and they say “I am too”, that’s actually a good moment if you are both being open.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.