As strange and empty as narcissism can be, why is anyone ever a narcissist? What would lead someone to that attitude?

Over blown success? We need to make up a story to rationalize the success?

Let’s hypothesize for a moment, look at things from a theoretical, completely objective point of view. Looked at objectively, what are the objective goods in life? What can be said to have worth in the most concrete sense?

Family, food, shelter. Family is largely a philosophical concept.

Money, appearance.

Job or school.

A dependable car.

Friends.

Food, shelter, looks, alliances, and more specifically food, shelter, and looks. Is there anything more objectively concrete than those three? Looks can impact even family relationships. I was not seen as being as good looking as my elder brother. He was shown favour by the rest of the family, even extended family, where I was ostracized.

Looks are a big factor with employment.

Other animals depend on looks to find mates… flashy feathers and good health.

Find mates or find leaders. Looks do have a big role to play in showing us how healthy someone is. In extreme cases diseases even lead to radical asymmetry, a dwarfed limb for example.

So people with good looks are more likely to end up with the food and shelter.

So let’s consider a life defined by just these three things with no embellishment or elaboration of any kind. Some would say we already live in that world anyhow and all the bells and whistles are just superficial decoration, meaningless and empty. That’s one view. So what do you think? Is a life defined strictly by these things, enough to keep us engaged? Is it a life worth living? Why do we imagine we see anything else in the world?

I would say yes, at least for a long time?

There is a reason those who have been especially well favoured in one of those three areas, often develop narcissistic traits if not full blown narcissism. They are actually the first people to be subject to the existential pressure that comes from a life defined by one or more of those three traits. Others have the distraction of being able to fantasize about having an abundance of those things even if their fantasies don’t reflect the reality accurately.

It’s hard being beautiful. If you should show your ugly side then you are finished. I would not want the pressure of being stinking rich.

Like the Buddha was.

My wife in real life is possessed of good looks. She has a look about her that makes everyone trust her, a strange sort of gentle authority.

Everyone who meets me in person is willing to question me six ways from Sunday if they are willing to speak to me at all. We even had a case where we were approached by the ushers in a live theatre show, and they specifically asked to see my ticket, not hers. She wound up speaking for me, but they were not at all apologetic, just gave me a funny and confused look before walking away. What do you think?

Apparently snotty staff get away with lots of things. But you get your own back by showing them what great seats you have while they have to work. I would not characterize them as snotty, and that is one of the first tactics used by narcissists. Whenever some conflict like that comes up, it’s always the other person who is at fault. Snotty staff, conceited rival, know it all nerd. They always find some reason why any conflict was unjustified, but I would not characterize those staff people as snotty. Their behaviour was actually quite normal for their social group, their sub-culture.

That must be kind of normal human behaviour though, division of the classes, someone in an apron or torn clothing is less than someone in a nice suit or jacket. It is indeed a normal behaviour.

I found that with staff more than customers. The ones in the jackets were rude to the ones in aprons.

It’s only the narcissists in jackets that are rude to staff.

Very often, criticism from a narcissist is sort of half baked. They can find legitimate reasons sometimes for their conclusions. Some even become quite shrewd in character analysis and assassination.

But my point is, can we really tolerate a life of looks, food and shelter and nothing more, for very long?

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~