There is a simple way to know when you are centered, balanced. It’s so simple as to be almost always overlooked.

What is love?

Love is like breath, you need it to live. Exactly, but let’s be more blunt. Love is the willingness to be in the presence of anything exactly as it is, but we get really delusional after that, really quickly. If you are willing to be in the presence of whatever or whoever exactly as it/they are right now, you are centered and will you be misinformed?

I will take my relationship with my wife. If I say “I am my relationship with her” and that changes, will I be balanced? No. Is that loving her?

No, and you’ve placed your center outside yourself. Yes, but how often do people treat that as love? Often. All the time. It’s a huge mistake or “sin” and it really hurts not only you, but the object of your “love” also. If they don’t seem to love you when you act like that, is it really a mystery why? Can you do any good when you have to “be” that relationship?

If you try to be the relationship, you will treat the other person in the relationship you were trying to be as a threat to your being, because I promise they will do what you see them doing. This never, ever changes.

This is a big part of relationship failure. Lack of renewal? Yes, and why people say “You never loved me.” It’s hurtful, but it’s also true and likely the person making the accusation never loved the person they are leaving either.

Loved the idea of them? Not even that, because if you love an idea you will let it evolve. They call this thinking as opposed to psychosis. If you love knowledge and ideas, you will want to be present to the unfolding of more of this knowing.

Ok, again to refer to my own relationship with my wife. If I seek every day to be in her presence and to be personally present in her presence, and allow myself to engage all the emotions that happen as I am present with her and allowing her presence with me, could I not love her? Could my behaviour be unloving keeping to those guidelines?

Hmm… so love is acceptance and acceptance is love? Well, more than acceptance. Engagement. You take the person or condition into your arms and then you dance.

It feels great to be with someone who is totally present. It is uplifting to the one you love when you love them in that way.

I’m still confused about what ‘being the relationship’ means, and if I am doing just that or not. First you have to objectify it. You can’t be a relationship without objectifying it. You have to make it a fixed object. Then you have to own it. More than own it, you have to be it. Own it so thoroughly that no one else can have it, because you are it. But if you are it then the other person isn’t there, and they will wander off because you aren’t present for them anyway. If I talk to you and you busily tell me about darning socks, and no matter what I say or do you just keep talking about darning socks, I will stop talking to you. Would there be any reason for me not to?

I’m trying too hard to be present, and I’m angry at him for not being present. And you have a fixed idea of being present. You think only one way of being present is ok.

When you have one objective with a person (only one objective in dealing with them), you won’t deal with them at all, because they aren’t with you on that one right path. If you have one goal for your relationship with a person, you actually have no goal. You stand still and they keep walking, because they neither know nor care what your one goal regarding them is. Why should they?

It’s all to easy too get stuck on a loved ones problem, and forget the loved one is still here and still living, and maybe just really wants to do something else. It is their right, isn’t it?

Never seek renewal for another, ever. They will only see it as a threat, as they should. Seek renewal only for yourself. In that breathing room you gain, you may be shocked to discover they never needed renewal in the first place. Just you did.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~