Would my self-identification be welcome? I am one of those action oriented types. My developmental disorder has created conditions that denied “stability” from day one. Most who fall into my medical category actually shut down completely. It isn’t catatonia. They have an “allergy” to any sensory impression, everything is pain, and everything is too much to handle. This is why they seem to have “psychotic” outbursts, sudden bursts of violence. It’s defensive.
So you get restless very easily? Very easily, yes, but I can practice sitting meditation. I grew up with this intensity and have never known any other state. Though “getting seated” is harder for me, while I am sitting in meditation I can channel the storm of my mental and physical sensations in a dynamic flow, creating something like an oceanic gyre of my personal energies. The fringes of my awareness remain chaotic, but permitting the gyre creates a calm spot that I can rest in. Could I have learned this from orthodox spiritual teachings?
My studies of monasticism all said that the passions had to be ignored. That effort had to be made to purify myself of them with promises that they would subside. This never happened. I control my impulses not through habit. In fact, the biological process that allows habit circuits to form in me is compromised. I control my impulses by a form of attentional ritual. This makes my behaviour seem more sophisticated than that of more severely impaired autistics. They are also capable of lucidity, but who can teach it to them?
Is that the common ground to focus on between the dark and light paths? Acceptance? Actually, the common ground is found in what a lot of conventional thinking teaches us is a heresy. Shall I go into it? That thing that you absolutely should not do, say “Aw, that’s all right”, well, that same rule blocks out huge portions of human consciousness. How often have you dreamed of participating in something that while awake you would judge as twisted and entirely inappropriate? One obvious example would be unwholesome erotic impulse.
The common ground is not in action, but it is in perception. If that perception is allowed, the defenses kick in easily. So no one dreams of random outbursts of violence, and by dream I mean while asleep.
I sometimes wake up in a dream I don’t like, feeling very uncomfortable. Those dreams we don’t like are still real, and they are a part of a reality we all share. What would happen if rather than just judging and enacting judgements from our first intellectual perception of an issue, we allowed our mind to rest for the moment in that common space? Rather than censoring, really perceive the human impulse behind the behaviour?
True peace and harmony.
Accepting human behaviour can’t be anything else but human!
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.
Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~