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Vanity arises when you believe beauty is a moral or social virtue. True virtue needs no classification.

Death Wish in Freedom


Id and ego are not the same, quite the opposite. The id is primal and thinks only in concepts, identities, and identifies with everything. To your id you are your mother, you are your brother, you are the world, you are in and of it all, you are a ham sandwich, and you are all your feelings. It’s all what you are. You are the monster and the victim. This is why the ego and id are separate. The ego generally fears the id. It wants to be having sex, it doesn’t want to be in sex. It wants to eat the sandwich, it doesn’t want to merge with the sandwich. The id looses itself. The ego finds itself, and the super ego defines self. It’s the great dictator.

Superego mediates between the ego and id? No. Super ego is the great divider, the internal judge. It judges the ego, pushes at it to be the idealized self, and it slays the dragon of the id. But like the eternal dragon it just grows back stronger, and for most much more angry, and when the super ego or human mind eventually losses then you have a psychotic break. The super ego does have the power to be the mediator, but it’s usually too busy being an arbiter, and totally arbitrary.

With awareness do we rise above all three, or empower the superego to mediate? The super ego is sort of an usurper to the observer, it’s what arises because our culture has starkly limited understanding of the observer. So in a sense, the observer empowers the super ego to be a mediator. It won’t go away, but it can be integrated.

The observer is our true self? Part of. The observer is what the Egyptians called the ka. It’s the messenger self. There is also the primal self, the ba born of chaos, the raw elemental life, a.k.a. the id or libido. Libido is more than sex drive, but does incorporate it. It’s literally the life wish, and those who villainize that life drive live a half life, if that.

Id is most free? Id is most undirected, the ka or observer makes it free. Carrying it to the realm of the gods.

Is death wish part of the life wish, incorporated in it? Yes, in part. It’s the yin to the élan vitals yang. The inner shadow that makes your life impulses stand out. It isn’t evil, but it can be unbalanced.

I don’t have a death wish per se, but a darkness wish sometimes. You do have a death wish. Whenever you want something to change, that is the death wish. Whenever you decide something is not what you want, that is the death wish. It isn’t evil, but the libido only says “yes.” The death wish is the ability to say “no.” An example of the libido is that recent Jim Carrey movie, “Yes Man.” It isn’t an evil way to be, but you won’t create anything solid or enduring without the ability to also say no.

Although for some people the ability to say no is the life wish, when you have to set boundaries? No. It’s the death wish. Death doesn’t destroy life. It’s not its purpose or there would be no life. It’s to leave one life for another.

If I was always violated by presence in my space and within my boundary, the ability to say no to a man for the first time would be a death wish? Yes, and it would serve your life wish. Saying no to sex is the death wish serving the libido, in balance.

If you don’t want to say yes, if you are appalled by that man, is the libido always yes and death wish no? Yes, and if in balance the death wish protects.

You’re saying sex with anyone serves my libido, even people I can’t stand the sight or smell of? Libido is the id, and the id identifies with everything, even the creepy. People get very disturbed because they have very creepy sexual dreams. This happens and it isn’t even rare. Your libido isn’t your sexual choice. Your libido is raw instinctive drive, pleasure seeking, body engagement seeking.

But what if my instinct is to run and I suppress it because of having sex as duty? My pleasure is to run? Death wish is an instinct, and your death wish is to run. The death wish doesn’t equate to you die. The death wish is your awareness of ending, any ending. It’s even your concept of zero, and nothing.

To make it extreme: a situation where a child is abused by her father sexually, is still her death wish to run and libido to stay? Yes, and a guilt complex often evolves especially when seeing the shame reaction of the father or the projected hate. This is why sexual assault is so scaring. Psychic abuse is worse than physical, and perhaps there can be no worse psychic abuse than the twisting of the relationship to the libido. The libido makes the same abused little girl say “Mommy, I want peanut butter and jelly.” The death wish says “Mommy may get angry at me if I ask for a sandwich before she decides it’s ok.” In the case of the graphic scene of sexual abuse, at first libido says to the little girl, “Daddy is tickling me.” Death wish then says as it goes further, “Daddy is hurting me. This is strange and scary, and now Daddy doesn’t love me anymore.”

Freedom is knowing your boundaries? Freedom is knowing your boundaries, because in knowing them you decide them. In denying them they remain fixed, and you will not learn. You can only change what you know.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive


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