Your tensions are memories. All of them whether intense or more subtle are even potentially scars. Scars are not flexible, but for every tension, especially chronic tensions, there are memories.
What is the “norm”? The norm is the fringe. The norm is to be a non-being. Those who are closer to the heart of the collective mind only care as far as they can make the puppets dance. They know all about human nature, and very few of them have any more real courage than an average person does. Often what gave them the traits that led them to privilege is a feral instinct to thrive at the expense of the herd.
How do the ones in jail that do turn their life around get the motivation? And why doesn’t it work for them all? Maybe in some ways prison can be a healing place. Ah, good question. The occasional person who seems to make a complete turn around in prison, an almost Buddhist like enlightenment, is often the one who either suffered beyond reason in their former life or inflicted said suffering. You cannot partake of suffering and not suffer. Again creatures of habit here. When something that looks like me bleeds and screams and cries and begs me not to kill it, I die inside as well. This is unavoidable. Vietnam vets, Iraq war vets, all who were ordered to kill for the convenience of the state, nobody won. All who fought died. Some just didn’t lay their flesh and blood down at the same time.
Too bad having to hit bottom is needed for the motivation to get strong enough. It doesn’t have to be. For some, it’s about of the oh so popularly labelled mental illness. For some, it’s just a really strong surge or realization along with the accompanying disgust with normal life.
I can understand why taking up habits like drinking become appealing to veterans. It’s better than feeling the death every time you remember it. They are self medicating, yes. And they spread the poison of their medication of choice, as well as that death, to their loved ones as well. My Dad was in the Vietnam war and was originally of a gregarious and expressive temperament. Our inner natures don’t go away, but they can be twisted in all sorts of interesting ways.
Liberation is the little death that begins life. But in this dogma that many schools of thought are pushing these days… The rejection of the self because only some vaguely defined love will allow bliss. Replacing the old habits with ritualistic rhetoric and habits. This is liberation? Well, if so, I will choose to remain self centered. Experience of the self is my experience of freedom within the self. No role or teaching ever showed me that. Could be my experience is limited, and I do welcome teachers if we can talk as one self to another. I don’t want to talk to their teaching.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.