So now what? Is only ever now and now is perfectly what it is.
Nothing is being done to you. Those insights we had as teens were an opportunity when we were so angst ridden. Ever find yourself saying “He/she/they don’t know I’m alive”? It is a half truth, and it’s almost always misinterpreted.
Everyone feels like an object when they are taught to see the world and themselves as our society teaches us, thus it seems things can be done to you. But what really happened in our teens while we were busy being dramatic? It was just a lot of teens busy being dramatic. None of them really knowing each other, and no one using those decision moments to know themselves very well. Is this unfair to say?
I would say that is fair. I felt I was always in a panic. But it is not the fault of teens that things go like that, because where are we now as adults? Still teens, feeling like no one knows us and like we are just victims of what is done to us. But this isn’t just some people. It isn’t any single person. It’s the view of the world we have all been given. Well… Someone has to put the gun down and not blow their brains out, no? What happens when you put the gun down? What happens when the “gun” can’t shoot you?
You make choices? Yes. Who has ever avoided any events? Can you have a life without crisis?
I wish I could avoid it. You can. It’s simple really. No one else is holding the gun. Crisis is the gun, and there is no shooter on the grassy knoll. You don’t have to shoot yourself. You aren’t going to be able to make anyone do anything. You aren’t going to be able to remove all hostile people from reality. You aren’t going to be able to single handily cure any diseases or solve world hunger. No one person can do this, but can anyone while we all have the crisis gun to our heads?
When you realize you and only you hold the gun, you can stop being your own worst enemy. If someone “hurts my feelings” they might have really meant to cause me emotional pain, but does it have any absolute meaning? People panic when they fear they will get shot. No ones judgement is too good in crisis, it’s only natural. What would make their emotional violence hurt me is my own decision, and as they say “the first cut is the deepest.” We tend to keep cutting in that very first way we were cut, because we are afraid of the unknown. If that cut has no meaning then how does anything have meaning? Or that is the fear, because your first decision was very likely out of pain.
Maybe that’s why after you learn martial arts you rarely need it. Very true. It can be the experience gives you clarity enough to disengage from whatever you saw as so threatening. My first decision was out of confusion. Only after did confusion lead to fear, and now for me confusion always has an element of fear. But no threat does, no violence. Human savagery is quite mundane to me, no crisis there.
This is why it’s good to deal with people when you know where you stand with them.. good or bad. You can only know where you stand with people when you actually know where YOU stand. And the points on your map that show where you stand were those decision points that you most likely saw as a crisis. You can’t be blamed for it. You weren’t educated in anything else, but you can choose now.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.