Thoughts come from people, people don’t come from thoughts.
An apple seen by a person where no apples grow is a strange and perhaps amazing thing. An apple seen by an apple orchardist is meaningful, but by no means overwhelming.
A metaphor comes to mind. The trees of the garden of Eden, but imagine them very far from each other and no longer in the garden. Some people eat from the Holy Tree, and know its wisdom. Some eat from the Forbidden Tree, and either self destruct or gain its wisdom. According to the original story, Adam and Eve self destructed.
The tree of life was the Holy Tree and Adam and Eve were free to eat of it, but when they ate from the Tree of Knowledge, specifically the knowledge of good and evil, they lost their awareness of God. We commit self sabotage in a lot of ways. Simplest would be rejecting the love of a sincere heart.
But there is more, it’s explained somewhat in many schools of mysticism, but I will simplify. When Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree, they were not permanently cut off. A way was made for them and their descendants, but it was not an easy way. The way was barred by angels in that story. It was known as the Path of the Flaming Sword. This sword is also known as the sword that turns in all directions.
To bring this down to earth, it isn’t that darkness is evil. It’s just hard, and when people suffer in darkness it’s not because they are in it. It’s because they haven’t gone far enough. They haven’t gone to “all directions”, because whatever evil you are suffering exists in the context of myriad evils.
And when not having gone far enough, act out in irrational and often violent ways. They don’t have the wisdom of the darkness. They only have fear of it.
How do I go deeper? Every dark, scary, undesirable thing is a part of a universal pattern, and if you see the whole pattern you can see how they plug into what is really just the one life, but it’s like being right or left handed. You are likely light or dark sided, but what makes for wisdom is awareness. Sobriety if you will, not getting drunk with the power of the spirit you favour.
How can we dance with it? How to dance… The world itself is dancing, tides of darkness and light. Every joy you feel has a shadow in your world. Every sorrow shines a light. It’s like surfing. If a stormy wave comes, that’s the darkness. You can ride it and not be it. When the water is warm and inviting, that’s the light, but you have to remember that warm water also brings red tide. You can be poisoned with your light. You can hurt another quite easily in the name of helping them, and in seeking what you judge is wisdom, fall into deep ignorance.
How do we get away from the red tide? You get away from the red tide by not drinking the water. By not buying into the idea that the light is what “should be” in exclusion of the darkness.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a relativist. Darkness has clear qualities and so does light, and whatever you choose you also choose its consequences. Pitying a denizen of darkness is no more wise than pitying an “enlightened one.” But your sense of balance is neither here nor there, and your place is to live at that balance point. All that you think, feel, say, and do, will have its real power when you have that balance.
What is necessary to find your balance is forgiveness. Seeing your part in the negative side of light or darkness, and acceptance of it. Without forgiving yourself for your failings, you will forever struggle and run in circles.
What if we are in the middle? If you are in the middle, then you likely bounce back and forth a lot. Like an ambidextrous person using one hand or the other, and in that case you have to make allowance for how you fall short in both because you will be spread out. Accepting this grey state is just as valid as accepting darkness or light.
Should people in the middle pick one over the other? No. For some people a more abstract realm is their center, and if they try to side at all it only weakens them. I have witnessed “unfeeling” people get very anxious because they didn’t get all the emotional stuff, but they have their part to share too. They are just as important.
They can actually help provide great clarity at times. Just not “depth”, unless you seek a deep middle ground.
Is rejection the same as not forgiving yourself? Yes, rejection is the same as not forgiving yourself.
How about for the opposite, feeling emotional all the time? Feeling emotional all the time is valid.
To where your moods feel like they are on a rollercoaster? That is imbalance, and might arise from self rejection.
Or be that mood swing illness. Bi-polar disorder, yes, and in that case it isn’t a character defect. It is a health issue.
I expect the medical profession today always jumps to the health issue without first considering it as an imbalance. Medicate everything because people are just machines. That is their view.
I see so many being diagnosed and told they’re sick “just because”, when it’s obvious they have deep spiritual pain. Materialism in one of its greater evils.
They just want you to spend money on drugs you don’t need. Be dull witted and still emotionally suffer.
Asking what’s wrong can be done for free and so can listening. The “they” do not even have diagnostic tools, let alone thinking along this line. But people go along with it, because as you said, they won’t go into the dark fully because they fear it. The dark could save their life, but otherwise they will run themselves to an early grave.
How do you do it when heavily medicated? Your brain still works. Do as much as you understand to do. You may find, despite having a pickled brain, if you do some work, whatever you know to do, it will strengthen the brains ability to cope with the drug.
So the drugs aren’t all harmful? They are. It‘s more a question of the degree of harm.
Can I get off them? That I can’t say, but you can become more functional.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.