You’re never bored when you play your own game. You’re bored when you play another’s game.
Feelings of empathy and antipathy kind of rollercoaster for me. I can’t figure out if it is me being hormonal, or if I’m just frustrated and can’t find a way to change things, like being treated more like a child than a spouse. It’s not just hormonal. There is no such thing as just hormonal. All evidence points to hormones mirroring mental states more than dictating them. No hormone level circumvents our instincts. The primary trigger of rejection is the instinctive sense of something being damaged or compromised.
So if my body is feeling the anxiety… If your body is feeling the anxiety, it’s a combination of body and mind, but above all it is not a defect. Rejecting parts of ourselves is the biggest motivator of rejecting others and being rejected by others.
I’ve been feeling like I’m on the edge of a panic attack, but it won’t actually come out as one. I need the relief. You need more self-acceptance. Those reactions become blacked out because you have rehearsed a psychological immune response. You have practiced being immune to a part of your own mind, so you get emotionally constipated, and that spreads out to your social body, your body of friends and family members. We are so fine tuned to each other that even the most subtle negative cues from those close to us can make our blood pressure go up and our cortisol levels rise. This is why we often experience generalized anxiety around some people. They are disciplined and well behaved as far as anxiety goes (society I mean), but despite their rigid discipline we pick up cues from their body that something is not right.
I will be seeing family later today, I think that is part of it. Likely. For me, it is usually a look they give me. A look is all it takes, and your defensive reaction will continue to fuel the look.
I would rather be heard and not seen. I want them to listen to me instead of looking at me, so I will start talking more. Yes. Talking just because you want to, and watching their response while you talk. It’s easy to misinterpret people’s behavior when we are too uncomfortable to take action ourselves.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.