What loneliness stems from is an error in the development of a sense of identity.
You choose the pain because you choose the role. Pain is better then numb, if it hurts it can stop. If it’s doing nothing …
The great way or “will of God” (to use metaphor) is not a nebulous void. It’s dynamic actualization. The will of God is not separate from your will. The great way has its seeds in all that stems from it. The great way is your way, in part.
Guilt. Why would we choose to be in such pain? Guilt is a terrible illusion. You have to be crazy to have guilt. Guilt is insane. In the pit, the lesson the kindly ones teach is that you will be free when you free yourself. You will cease being punished when you see you are not guilty.
God is forever speaking, but people listen poorly. When nobody is looking you are only in the root reality, and you can’t have you there? You are free, and what if you realize that nobody was ever looking? Then you might ruin everything? In having “no thing” you experience everything, and can maybe actually enjoy it.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.