So now what? Is only ever now and now is perfectly what it is.
There is what you think people are, and what you actually know of them. What you know is instinctive. It arises in moments when you aren’t immersed in thoughts of them.
When a guy tells a woman, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” He’s not paying her a compliment. When a friend says they were thinking about you, they were not expressing a real connection. But inner nature does come through, because you seek peoples company without knowing why. You may even consciously think that you don’t really like this person. You are uncomfortable with them, but you will seek them out anyway. You will also avoid likable people, those who seem to have absolutely nothing wrong with them and act in a perfectly social way. They are in every way socially acceptable. Why is this?
I don’t feel a connection with them. They are suspicious. They don’t stir my curiosity to get to know them.
The charisma of the bad guy, bad girl image comes from a sense of vibrant personality and a sense of permissiveness. We all want that, but we don’t want the real, or don’t think we want it.
If they are fine, they will be better than me. If they are sad, I can help. It’s a sticky situation, but we don’t have to be in it. This is why the bad guy/bad girl romance fails. With just a little more thought, we can see that everyone has this “bad” element to them, and be more consciously aware of what we are connecting to. Instead of marrying the abusive alcoholic, we can marry the moody introvert. Instead of marrying the narcissistic gold digger, we can marry the insecure caretaker, and love them for who they really are and give ourselves permission to be who we really are.
My husband likes to be a carer, so I give him things to take care of. Also understand that this is his way of being loving. You have a loving husband. Whether he is cuddly or chatty or quietly thoughtful, he loves you in some way.
Why marry a moody introvert? Because the moody introvert takes all their experience very seriously. They have well thought out values and will ultimately keep their promises. That, and not every moment in their lives will be introverted. You don’t actually know who they may grow into in the future, but you know they are thinking about it.
Why would a moody introvert pick a chaotic chameleon to settle down with? The moody introvert wants someone who is willing to present any and all faces. Because that way, no single face has to be taken seriously. It gives them permission to establish a dialogue on that same channel.
Is that why they say opposites attract? It creates balance? It is, indeed. We are looking for wholeness in life. You will have friends when you embrace a whole life. You will have a real life when you are willing to let it be what it is and not try to plan more than you actually can.
We’re in a hurry to sort ourselves out for our kid. You will sort yourselves out when you stop trying. When you actually confront yourself on your common ground. You will discover you can actually share much more than you do when you are trying to fill roles.
We just have it very hard. It can be very hard, more to learn there. But in fact, no one has it easy. What makes it seem easy is just, well… A willingness to go with the flow. Don’t expect your partner to love you, just let them love you. Don’t expect them to be beautiful, see the beauty in them. It’s likely more amazing then any artistic act or portrayal of a social role. If you have powerfully conflicting values, you will not be able to avoid those.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.