I’ve been asked to describe a normal day of mine, or rather abnormal? My day actually starts in my night. I have some unusual conditions I deal with so taking a Taoist view helps me accept “my way” in life, since I can’t implement “common sense.” I’m autistic among other things. I always dream lucidly. So I wake processing the dream content. I consider what I’m able to do in a day and meditate in bed as I find motivation to act in the day and let my internal impulses guide me. Not my mood but instinct. It runs deeper than any emotional stance that might arise.

Mood is dependent on neurotransmitter levels and mine are aberrant as is the structure of my neural net itself. Some would then say that mood is an important factor and harder to control. Actually, no. In fact, the meshing of my “brains” makes many things interlinked, harder and easier. R-complex, amygdala, mammalian cortex and cerebral cortex are all very enmeshed. I don’t have a “subconscious” as others understand it.

I suffered from juvenile seizures in puberty which for me started at age 9. Those passed with puberty. Just my own version of growing pains. I find I’m still sensitive to seizure activity in others. Processing my sensory input has mandated that I allow the input to form a gestalt. Very Taoist in that sense. It makes a sense of self difficult. But having probed the depths of my neural net, the epigenetic bridging that takes place especially in my over-developed r-complex has allowed a retrieval of some data that permits me to see the “self” in the mesh and why my morpho-genetic field created what would seem such an aberrant pattern.

The amygdala is highly connected with fear, how is that suppressed? Honestly, the fear pattern has deviated and my sense of self preservation has been abstracted. To others it would seem abnormal. Some take my claim to “fear nothing” as my being a braggart, but in fact it’s a paradox. In a sense, I fear everything and thus fear has no special meaning. Life seems like a chaotic nightmare to me. I am in a sense already in hell, thus I fear no hell.

Humanity seems strange to me, the motivations, moods, and thus in fearing everyone I can’t really fear people. I am in a constant state of neural arousal and thus not reactionary. This is why I tend to ask people strange questions. I really don’t understand the context they operate in and my insights into human nature and the human condition tend to not be well received.

I’m learning to understand the context, but a lot of the hormonal reactions that allow human bonding get stressed in me if not blocked and therefore I am having to learn to enjoy the “dark” things. Almost developing a psychological masochism, because that is what presents itself most often.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~