Life is lived in moments.
I find nothing more interesting than sincerity, and I tend to ignore anything other than that, because sincerity requires no form of embellishment.
I have a guest who reads something into everything I say. Suspecting you of deceit, they deceive themselves, and the shrewd person who won’t be tricked is always tricked. The person who knows how the illusionist did everything is labouring under life’s biggest illusion, because they think there is a life that is not illusion, or a difference between illusion and truth.
That’s perception, different for all. Reality is unique to each person. Taken in pieces, life presents itself as a kaleidoscope of experience, none of it making much sense.
An autistic is the most sincere person you can find as duplicity isn’t in their programming. It is hard to deal with external contexts for anything, yes. Too much in their mind to sort out.
They have actually done studies on the productivity and financial success of people who are suspicious versus those who are trusting. You would think the person on their guard would do better, yes? They have found the opposite. The person who will not be tricked, and is untrusting, does worse financially. They take fewer opportunities as they come up.
I’m sure I can be tricked, anyone can. Yes, anyone can and they always are, but there is one deception we can end because it is in no way necessary. People, rather than knowing themselves, seek to fix themselves. There is nothing to fix. All your warts, all your hurts, all your dreams fantasies and delusions, you will never rid yourself of any of them.
It can feel like death to not try to fix yourself, to not try to be better. It can feel like you will have no life at all, but nature in having its hand in your arising in this world made no effort to deceive you. All that has come together to make you, your life and your life experience, has been exactly what it was.
For some of us, being ourselves can be very hard work. It’s actually both the hardest thing to do, and the easiest, because when you let go of all this faking, all this posturing that there is something better, or that you can be better, you find that you still want to do things. You still feel things and these desires and feelings only get stronger. It can be hard to let go of the railing, yes, but your ship is sinking, and you can swim.
Whatever you think you have to do, “HAVE TO DO”, you will inevitably fail. But you cannot fail to be self, and the degree to which self is allowed to live, the degree to which your parts all fit together, is the measure of your sincerity. The map of your honesty.
You can let go of judgement. I had to. Ever since I was a very little boy, I was broken. Everyone was acting like I was broken. To my parents, I was broken. To my peers, I was broken. To everyone, and remained like this for a very long time. I even tried to side with them, tried to fix myself. Was honesty served by that? Was I sincere in my first marriage when I was experimenting with being a “normal” guy?
My dad, in a fit of temper, screamed at me, “I always knew there was something wrong with you!” So I was broken, too.
Either side of that fence is difficult, especially if you aren’t the norm. Try being a pansexual agnostic and goth/punk in the south.
When everything is hard, then the judgment is meaningless. When everything is pain, then pain in meaningless. You just have experience and pleasure left. I found I could have pleasure, could have freedom, but these came only in experience of my self.
I have always found it to be easier for me to be me, but I’d rather not have to explain and define myself constantly because people are so closed-minded.
I had to leave the sphere of influence to be free and happy.
The pain-pleasure principle can lose its meaning. I think that’s the beginning of free will and sincerity. As long as you are choosing to gain pleasure and avoid pain, what free will do you have?
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.