So now what? Is only ever now and now is perfectly what it is.
I find myself without a calling. I feel no direction. Ideas of my future come and go. Maybe I will amble along aimlessly in this life. It upsets my mind! There’s work to be done saving humanity, etc. Any suggestions? Maybe our task is to let go fully. Radical change is scary.
I am experiencing something similar, and well, I know what I am doing to myself, though it can be hard to drop in the process of trying to keep a sense of connection with others. In my case, it’s the idea that others have my answer. They are keen to give me answers. It’s also the desire to avoid those things that scare others. People can have a serious phobia of reality, but their ability to adapt or their resistance to adaption is really none of my concern, and I have to leave that facet of things alone.
People don’t have the right not to be offended, and I find some have tried to push their insecurities about my life back on me. The offense is their challenge. You have to respect them enough to let them be offended. You have to care enough for your fellow being to let them be afraid, and give them time to adapt if they choose. You can’t choose what will fall. You can choose what you embrace, what will endure.
You can only ever touch someone at one point in their being, even if that is a deep point it is still a single point. Their capacities are just as vast as your own. You can hold a hand, but not a soul.
You can only give energy for healing if it is accepted. You have to respect this, and energy without expectation is the life breath. I have healed people by doing what others saw as hurting their feelings. An example. I had a dear friend in high school, he would later go on to be one of my biggest betrayers, but that is not ultimately relevant. This young man lived behind a wall of defeat in his heart, everything he wanted he could have, every hope smashed by the weight of his own prejudice. At first I tried to respect him. I suspected maybe he had a deeper principle for this restraint, but the longer I knew him the more he began to bleed. This spiritual bleeding triggered an instinct in me, almost predatory in a sense, and one day I boldly pushed him to the ground and sat on him. He whined and then wept, spewed all sorts of self-defeating nonsense, and when he exhausted all that, I asked him what he wanted. He stated he wanted me to get off of him. I told him to tell me to get off of him. He did and I did. I will ask you friends. Why did this happen to him?
You felt the need to reduce his suffering. Yes. It wasn’t altruism. It wasn’t idealism. It wasn’t some abstract principle. It was an instinctive, visceral need.
Why did he have the self-doubt? He had the self-doubt because we all do. He was “well adjusted”, middle class parents, did well in school, praised by those in charge, stayed out of trouble, and was stuck in a living hell, but why?
I live in the pattern, and like a spider when you disturb its web, I experience powerful motivation when the integrity is threatened. We can, each of us, find motivation in this if nothing else, but there is more than even this.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.