How does saving people work? And if you can save people from themselves isn’t that tyranny?
To continue with the elemental metaphor, our soul, our psyche, our capacity for love behaves like an elemental force. This is why it can wear even the most determined independent person down, but it also is not confined to our relationships with people. It is the rule of all our relationships, without exception. Ever meet a hateful person with a wide range of interests?
Not really. Hate precludes it. And perhaps a better word would be antipathy as opposed to sympathy?
Limits to a single focus? It does limit focus.
It would be hard to explore new things.
There are always people we love to hate.
If I see my ex’s new lady drowning and I walk away is that a bad thing? I do not hate her, I just … I just would not save her. That would be antipathy.
That is bad. I would save her, just not care after. You identify with dissociation with her well-being. If you define yourself only by what you are not, then where does that leave you?
Hate is a strong word. Indeed, hate is too strong a word, because the destructive process has wider manifestations than hate. Hate is just the most readily obvious. Distaste. Disgust. Have you ever met a person who was deeply loving and easily disgusted? Science has linked visceral disgust with human antipathy. If you are easily grossed out, the parts of your brain that would feel sympathy become desensitized.
For me bugs are just fascinating, for others they aren’t. Even the stranger elements of insect behaviour hold fascination for me even if it has a certain morbid flavour to it, but what matters is not the capacity for disgust. We all have that and it’s necessary for our health and well-being. It’s the orientation on it. Disgust over interest, or interest over disgust. Can you be both fascinated and truly disgusted at the same time?
Yes, by seeing the bad and the good. Then you would experience those feelings in rotation then? Or are they really simultaneous?
Something like that. Sometimes they can rotate and very quickly, but I think the fascination wins.
Remember earlier when I said we only truly love what we can feel affinity for? Affiliate with, identify with. Well, you can fall in love with a book or a movie or a work of art, even a job. While morbidly fascinated your disgust would subside. While disgusted your fascination would subside. But the question is why do we fall in love with songs or items of clothing, and things like that?
You can be morbidly fascinated by a rotting carcass. Why do we have the word morbid then? Ah, morbid just means death, not disgust.
Like we aren’t supposed to like looking at broken flesh. Certainly not our own. Because of the morbidity, but we aren’t disgusted by a wounded loved one. We feel empathy instead.
Songs and clothing can give us a lift. They give us a life because they give us context. They remind us of our sense of self and direction. Our sense of direction is just our sense of self in extension.
I love it when I find a well-fitting pair of jeans. You like what you can identify with slightly. You love what you can identify with passionately.
Are those who repeatedly crash in their love life having a problem with context in their life? They are. They struggle with self-loathing. Love is an instinct. One they try to sublimate beneath other considerations, like finances or self-image. Love doesn’t deal in such abstract and unnatural things, so it works to undermine any commitment to a relationship that ignores it.
Men think they should be with “hot” women. That would be self-image, when what they really want is the sense of love and well-being that comes from acceptance and feeling comfortable with a partner. The woman who spends a great deal of time obsessing over making sure she has the most fashionable dress and hair style, who has done all it takes to cultivate that perfect public image, rarely has that to offer a partner.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.