Synthesis is an interesting experience. I enjoy tasting blue.
To me, it seems we flip between a desire to belong and a desire to be free. The jokes on us for these hungers. Belonging is freedom. People don’t know how to have belonging, or freedom, so wind up having neither.
I belong in a sense, to speak to my own experience. If I think of my relationships in the standard social sense, then hell no, I don’t feel I belong. But if I think of my relationships as a part of myself, then yes, I am very much able to belong and even guide how things happen. I can feel changes in the relationship and change how I am relating to that not as a reaction to what “must happen”, but to what I decide will happen for me. And by deciding what will happen for me outside of the mirage of thought that would normally govern that relationship, I create what is likely an entirely new event in the lives of those in that relationship with me. An opportunity for even them to wake up, to make a choice also.
This summer, I found the lousy foundations that I’d built a lot of folly from. What do I want was the hardest question I’ve had to face in a very long time. How did that go?
I’m still picking up the pieces but feedback has a different tone to me. Excellent. I think it’s possible to have these insights even reflexively, like tossing in bed and kicking up against the wall, you don’t really wake but your sleeping experience does change in a way.
A lot of fear to overcome, still. A bit ashamed, it turns out, too. I am really pleased to hear that. It gives me hope for myself.
So am I totally off into lala land and egotism? Or have I said anything useful?
It doesn’t matter how much you paddle your feet in the pond, you still wind up seeing the same face, but change the face and what happens? I see different faces all the time. I think a big part of why people get confused is this. They are expecting shadows to listen to them. They are expecting imaginary friends to say something they never thought of before. They think that the world plays by the rules.
Yea, people play by their own rules. Hmm, then strange that people aren’t all satisfied with their lives then, if they all play by their own rules. I don’t see anyone on the field myself. I don’t even see any equipment on the field. Where is this game that I am missing? I would really like to join.
It is hidden, a secret, and you have to know the password before they let you in. Do you know it? I am still searching. I think at least as far as your personal games go, I have gotten in, if only at the ticket booth. I think I can hear some of what’s going on in your arenas, not absolutely certain I can make it out, but I want to play by the rules. Mostly, with people, I just want to enjoy the game, and you are the best players. Are you still in the dugout? Has your game begun?
I’m stepping up to the plate. Excellent, I’m excited to hear that.
I think I’ve made it into the park, but I haven’t gotten up to bat yet. Have I just been throwing garbage on your fields? If so then I am very sorry. I’m sort of a foreigner to your personal realities.
Quite the opposite. Sincerely, I would not be at this point if I had never met you. It’s all I have really wanted, to see a world where they were really playing.
I don’t think it’s one ball park. I think everyone has their own private ball park and you have to figure out how to get in to learn their secrets. Ballparks are wide open. For everyone who has ever hurt you, that’s a break in the fence. For anything that has ever made you feel you had to hide, that’s another. Most people’s ballparks are heavily vandalized, all the “blank was here” tags are pretty easy to read.
You have had to apply specific eloquence in order to ground your perspective. This is something that most people do not have to attempt. Thank you for saying so. Truth be told the tagger who got your ball park has hit others as well, putting the pattern together isn’t hard.
I think the biggest secret many people have is that they are constantly trying to rig the game in their favor, while outwardly professing to care about fairness. They wouldn’t know how to rig the game in their favor if their lives depended on it, though they do try. To rig the game you actually have to understand the equipment, and they have everyone believing they should eat catchers mitts because somehow they are cotton candy. What I mean is people are playing chess with jump ropes, and cards with steak knives. Imagine trying to do a card trick with steak knives. What would happen?
No wonder we hurt ourselves. Someone gets skewered.
So have I spoke at all to how to get things done? Make the choice where you have the choice. The world doesn’t control you. It’s just a mirror, or a camera. It just copies you. It doesn’t actually have your soul.
If you take the lead, people will follow. Yes, and “you” lead. There is a reality behind this nonsense. It is perhaps time to stop reading a play bill and expecting it to be a map.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.