The only power is what comes from the heart.
We start very early in our lives to acclimate to a world were work is done. Even in the family where jobs may not have formal patterns or titles, or official contractual outlines to their obligation, we quickly learn that our parents feed us (usually one more frequently than the others), that some members of our family keep us company or protect us, and some seem to set what look at first to be completely arbitrary demands. Is this last not a part of everyone’s experience?
We are quickly drawn to interact with the members of our family. We feel safer and more secure when we can draw the attention of and cooperation from those we love, but besides the natural instincts to support and bond with each other in the family unit, there is an outside factor isn’t there?
There is a drive to progress, to make things better and better.
What would life be like if nothing got any more complicated than family relationships? Where do “household rules” come from?
To maintain order, to keep kids from harm. Why do we seek to maintain order? Is it really just practical?
To keep social standing?
In my son’s early years, I focused primarily on fostering the emotional bond with him, and was able to do so. He has a more severe autism than I do, but any effort on my part to impose rules on him would have been a waste of time. Beyond the most fundamental level of human interaction, he would not have understood let alone been able to comply with those rules. Do we really understand the rules?
Many times not until much later in life.
We do. Do we comply with them? Not always.
We actually come to embody the rules, every prompt, every experience, every slight social pressure, leaves a trace in our memories. We don’t have to choose to “learn” these things, it comes instinctively. Even if you were never harshly punished (or disciplined as many say as a euphemism), you still encountered the dual forces of approval and disapproval.
Yes, they become ingrained in us.
Is it not so surprising, then, that people need a serious threat to their life to halt certain behaviours like driving too fast or while drunk? And even then they don’t always get the message.
How much would you say these have effected you?
I think the slightest withdrawal from someone has a huge impact, perhaps more then the overt actions do.
Approval gets you craving more of it.
It’s not a foreign force, and in fact, approval by itself is not even toxic. We have a collective troupe instinct. They are even able to examine this closely in the lab. It’s reflexive, even down to the process that lets us understand someone’s purpose for, say, grabbing a piece of fruit from a tree, or rapidly withdrawing a wounded limb from contact. We don’t think about this stuff do we? At least not at first, we just know it. Is this not so?
We don’t start out thinking the world is out to get us.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.