The consensus reality is the lie.
The subject is romance, and is romance all that it’s cracked up to be in your experiences, friends?
- Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
- No, and I’ve never considered myself romantic.
- Yes. It can be wonderful.
An inconsistency suggests there is something wrong with our understanding of romance, as would the world wide divorce track record.
I’ve always seen it portrayed and thought it seemed fake. Rightfully so. Somehow in this day and age people still “fall in love.” But tell me, do you know anyone who is really “in love“?
I could only hope for such a partner. You cannot hope for such a partner and have it have any effect. Many people hope for an ideal partner and where does that get them?
When people fall in love they seem to become very much wrapped around each other. Ah yes, and in fact that is where the romance dies.
Romance isn’t a relationship role. It isn’t relationship behaviour. It’s something that goes beyond any one thing you think, or do, or even feel. Romance is a quality of engagement, and as twisted as people make it, no wonder it isn’t well respected. There is more to romance than “sexual romance.” In fact, passionate hate can be an intense intimacy. It even can go so far as to affect a relationship as if it were infidelity.
It might even be difficult to tell the difference sometimes? It has been for some people. My sons mother was very invested in her contempt for people in general, and members of her family of origin in particular. This gave her little emotional warmth to share with me, and this damaged our relationship badly.
All of her passion was going into hating her family? Yes, and hating her childhood, and hating her public image. She had a very negative, but still “romantic” view of her life and everyone in it.
It’s true you can’t be romantic and not take care of yourself first. You can’t “get” romance. It isn’t a resource that you can have measured out to you, and many people who declare themselves to be romantic are either demonstrating a dependant personality or are declaring that they seek a co-dependant relationship where their personal presence is lost to an identity they feel the relationship will give them. Does this ever really work?
They think “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” will be their salvation from an otherwise negative self image. They try to be the role and try to forget who they are, or think that because they fill a role they are entitled to change who their partner is to fit a false ideal, and it absolutely never works.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.