Simple truth, there is no such thing as absolute change. In any change that occurs in your life something always endures.
Why does personal presence become lost to the identity in a relationship? Wouldn’t a good relationship help you to know more fully who you are? It can if it involves a person who already has some idea of who they are, or some sense of how they could find that. Is this very common?
So true romance requires maturity and a certain self sufficiency? You cannot give what you do not have. I can’t give you food if I have none. I cannot give you place if I insist on assuming a false place.
You should be able to be alone before you can have a true relationship? Yes, but more than just being able to be alone. You should realize that the romance you seek is already in you, because that’s what you would share with any prospective partner anyway. Any relationship you find will not last if you don’t have the emotional and spiritual substance to nurture it.
It is a very common problem for men. They have desires beyond sex, and these desires are just as strong as they are in women even if they don’t take exactly the same form. But “romance” is seen as a weakness. Looking inside themselves to see that romantic dynamic is considered “girly.”
By other men? Well yes, but that’s their group identification. They usually don’t have a contrasting view. They honestly believe (most of them) that being “mushy” would make them unattractive to women.
I’m gladly girly. I have no problem with being “girly” myself either, as my wife can attest to.
I think women give them a mixed message. Be soft and romantic, but be manly. Women do play into the issue. They often (if only subconsciously) project that they want a man who was like “Daddy”, even if Daddy was indifferent at best or even cold. But then they marry Daddy, and discover they hate the man and divorce him. Is this unfair to say?
The same happens in reverse. Many men when they discover some woman loves them revert to a very juvenile state. They start acting like the young boy that “Mommy” has to take care of. Blame all their temper tantrums and dissatisfactions on their partner, and then begin to entertain that their “real Mommy” will love them more which just leads to yet another broken relationship.
We have the inner woman and man inside us all, and try to find that inner man/woman outside us, but can’t. So we get frustrated because we try to find it in the wrong place? That is very true. What’s also true is that the inner opposite in us (the inner male for women, or the inner female for men) is often also the source of traits we have that are very much a part of us. That we have judged very negatively, decided we don’t like, even go so far as to judge to be evil. So when we get into a relationship, in the case of men, the “evil woman” is not even a part of their partners personality. It’s their own, and projected onto their partner.
And still feel attracted if they see a woman like that? To work out their own subconscious? Exactly.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.