Want to change your life? Change your mind.
Snakes mostly just lay in the sun trying to get some heat, digesting something they could gulp without too much effort a week ago. Snakes rule. They are very close to the Tao, and it is wise to respect their space. They are as a rule avoidant of any fights, but they will strike as is their nature. Perhaps of interest, most rattle snake venomings are actually human caused. Humans freak out during a warning strike. The snake can gauge how much venom an animal needs to be paralyzed, but it’s bad for a venomous snake to spend it on humans. It takes it all, and makes the snake very vulnerable as they need venom to eat safely. But sort of like the snake, people take darkness too seriously.
My best laughing fits have actually come from seeing darkness, and comedians use darkness routinely. They do as a matter of course. Some of the most famous comedians get asked if they are cheerful people, and their answer is often a resounding no.
On spiritual darkness, we are often criticised if we in any way “like it.” It’s my experience that those who revile it most, cause it most. Those who most adamantly reject darkness reject a portion of compassion in the act. One can not fully practice compassion without first knowing. If a friend or family member wants to share a poor mood with you, what do you do?
I give them a hug, and just listen to what they need to say. This is a good practice.
I remember as a kid being told, “Don’t cry.” Many dismiss the mood. Some might say “Cheer up, it’s not so bad” without even listening to the cause. They want it to go away. Yes, people often say “I know how you feel.” I advise people never say that.
Let them have it. Perhaps they’ll tell what put them in the mood. Dark moods are ok. Joyful moods all the time (even forced) are what’s really troubling. I agree. Sometimes a dark mood is an important stage of clarity. Any discomfort in it can often work itself out after.
I think knowing the feeling, and knowing how the person feels are two different things. The latter is kind of insulting. Yes. You can know the feeling, and that should inform your listening response. But people say “I know how you feel” and listen to nothing, and saying “It’s not so bad” is also nonsense. I experience some things that make people berserk with anger, and they don’t move me. Is either of us in the right?
Everyone has different perception of things, and arguing the right way is silly. Some things that don’t bother you, may totally push me over the edge. Honestly, someone in the immediate throws of distress is rarely “teachable”, and it isn’t their ego that makes them that way. It’s a neurological response they can’t help.
It does sometimes help to point out some positive things though, to overcome pessimism. Then they can do with that what they want. Telling them how they should feel does the opposite. Exactly. There is immediate distress, and there is dwelling. They are different.
Agree. First though, people want to know they are heard, and then you can perhaps steer to a different thought. If anyone states their own feeling, or their own view, then yes accept it. There is no purpose in attacking their view even if they are calm. But it’s the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. You can offer insights without countering any of theirs.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.