Life is too short for doubt. Whatever you doubt you either really want to do it, or you don’t. So do or don’t, and move on I say.
You have the realization that you are not your view of yourself and that you are not restricted to your conditioning. That you can live life regardless of the pulls of attachment. You can then of course pursue a moral creed, some religious doctrine, but is that yet another attachment? So you are left with “now what?” but the world is still here for all your enlightenment. As the saying goes, “Before enlightenment chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment chop wood and carry water.” And yes, you learned something and it was liberating, but where is the lasting liberation? Where is the enduring nirvana? You’re “out of the system” and they said there would be joy, but you just find you are doing a lot of seeing.
Joy in what though? I never understood that. And many don’t. Our nature doesn’t change for such a lofty accomplishment, and for all our egolessness we are just sort of lost. If you were to ask me who I was and I were inclined to try to be very truthful, I would answer no one. I wouldn’t be judging myself. It isn’t a self esteem issue. I am no one … thing. No one thing. No one identity. The things don’t go away, and I can relate to them. I choose how I relate to them, and I do relate to them. I fully and passionately relate.
But do you think you would be better off like that? Identity gives a sense of purpose unless there’s another way? There is another way. When you are making love to your partner, with insight you can fully be the lover and know that you are more than that. You are free entirely within your being, and you can fully experience the entirety of your life rather than be identified with one aspect or one narrowly defined view.
So we can choose identity to fit the situation and have a fluid life? Yes. A fluid living life, and realize that you aren’t one stop on the road. You aren’t the “Buddha” on the road.
Isn’t that a form of conditioning? To “need” another to possibly feel all? No. I don’t speak of needing. There is a reason they say if you see the Buddha on the road kill him. It means if you see a symbol of “having attained” you need to clear it, because there is no one stop. Being a Buddha is ego, but seeing your nature is being a Buddha. Seeing that these various feelings, and thoughts, and sensations are a part of a greater whole, and not judging them in clinging to “detachment”.
How would this effect the “super ego”? The super ego is a construct. It’s the presence of the consensus in the awareness of the individual.
Couldn’t you just say that when you reach a goal, it’s time to set a new goal? Yes. Actually that’s the crux of my argument. Take joy in what you engage in. Take joy in the connection, but realize that you are more. That you are not the panther in the jungle, you are the whole jungle, and all those roles, and no single role. Predator and prey, mother and mate and child, and with awareness these aspects of ego become facets of self, and these facets of self cease being your “me” because they are everyone.
There is a reality and we do share our lives, and we can share them very deeply. If we become the “returning Buddha”, having become detached you can re-engage and this is not unspiritual. It is not beneath any seeker. What more can we give our world than that? Is there something more precious? Imagine enlightenment, then returning to parent. Can you offer a more sacred legacy?
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.