Autistics, and I am diagnosed one, have a disability. We cannot choose to be “not self”. In fact, it is the reason my family and I have trouble relating well with each other. Mild pain builds. The Chinese water torture will have you screaming in agony, but injure your body not at all. I myself am not into water torture, or crucifixion, or being drawn and quartered, but how many peoples lives can be well described by some sort of torture metaphor?

Many use them as a badge of honour. The quiet desperation. Yes. My pain is more intense than your pain. My scars are more complex than your scars. It’s quite twisted, and dishonest. I was once called a monster by my sibling, my elder brother. We were informed that our adopted grandfather had died. We only knew him as grandfather at the time. I was not crying though my brothers were. When my elder brother challenged me on this, I said, “Death is death.” He scowled at me and called me a monster. Fortunately, he was too busy crying to hit me. So, was I less sincere than he? Neither did I cry at the death of my genetic grandmother or my aunt.

I have spoken sincerely tonight, not to seek gain. There was nothing to gain. Nor to seek blame, my life is not yours. I have spoken sincerely tonight because in the end we will all do what we genuinely believe in. Like the person under hypnosis, the test of your sincerity is your capacity to resist the force of suggestion in the face of your inner guidance. If under hypnosis they suggest that you hit someone when you return to normal consciousness, but you strongly believe hitting people is wrong, you will not hit anyone. If you are doing things, but you “don’t know why”, it’s because you are not yet in touch with your authentic self, nor living it. In time perhaps our culture will change, there is always that potential in the midst of great cultural stress.

My inner self is a sadomasochist. This is possible, and if that is a pure motivation it will be coupled with contradiction. This is why lobotomy serves to curb violent psychotic behaviour. Impair the frontal lobe or the “opinion maker”, and you cannot initiate anything in the face of opposition. It doesn’t make the memory vanish, but they won’t initiate anything.

Well, if my words ring empty, my sincere apologies. If my words ring true, then I will offer that freedom is also a choice, and it’s not to be found outside of yourself.

Till next time friends. Hope this was of some enjoyment to you. Namaste.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~