All problems have there origin in the individual, and there perpetuation in communication. What you can do is see your individual part, and see to how it’s propagated.
Regarding emotions and attaching them to others, it seems in defining ourselves we will over exaggerate to the point of absurdity to see parts of ourselves that we have yet defined. For example, if you said to me that Jeff sure is a long winded dude, and I had not yet defined that within myself, I may have a tendency to watch for everything you would ever say to me on the subject. Soon you may be the main culprit in my own delusion of this attribute. Indeed, when in fact the whole mess isn’t real.
I may then make you out to be a monster who always picks on me about this to the point where it gets way out of proportion, not from your doing but from my choice in what input I take from you. So our relationships are so distorted! Yes, you can convince yourself I always torment you, and the relationships aren’t even of substance. The bad relationship is more of the two people with the idea they have of the other person, rather than any fact.
Only because we do not know ourselves, and we put the burden of bringing ourselves out into the light onto others unwillingly. We don’t have to burden anyone. We need to stop burdening ourselves. Enlightenment is like madness and gravity. It just takes the intention, the focus, then we fall into it. It is like any seeker is anal retentive, they can’t go poo because it’s dirty. They just need to go poo, trust themselves, their rhythms, their feelings and the truth behind it.
Many relationships would heal if we saw how much poo we put on each other unwarranted. This is true. Poo is for the potty, for the small quiet space.
There is an old Zen story that I can only paraphrase. Once a grasshopper and a centipede were out walking, the grasshopper stops and asks the centipede, “How do you keep all those legs straight as you walk like that?”. The centipede stopped and really thought about it, and eventually the grasshopper grew impatient and left. When it came back that way it sees the centipede laying on its back in a ditch. It asks “Why in the world are you laying there?” It answers honestly, “I don’t know how to walk.” He may have also said “Thanks to you I don’t know how to walk”, as this is what we do, but in saying so he would still remain in the ditch and likely provoke an attack from the grasshopper.
All wisdom is like that. The wise don’t say or even think “I am wise”, they just walk. It had its walk, and then got all philosophical.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.