All things have a negative side. Every light casts a shadow. One can feel that they don’t entertain a thought, but you can’t avoid entertaining negatives. They are an inherent part of the equation that allows you to arrive at positives.
The undead state has two boundaries rather than just one. It’s a shadowy state between the living world and the spirit world proper, sort of like walking in one of those old monastic cloisters. In fact, this is part of why old monasteries tend to stay haunted for so long. It’s a comparable state of existence.
In the case of older shamanic lore, like specifically the case of voodoo, but also in Egyptian belief and other cultures as well, the formerly peaceful dead can enter into the undead state from their side of existence, return for one reason or another. The original stories of zombies are examples of that.
You rarely hear of them coming from that side. Once they go into the light, they don’t come back. Actually, it’s rarely pointed out in modern understanding, but it runs all through old magickal and even religious lore.
Do they have to enter the undead state if they want to contact someone alive? Yes, without actually incarnating that is. There are even examples of what could be called fringe incarnation.
Can that be troublesome for them? So we should only try talking to them if it’s really important? It’s always troublesome, and it’s only radical issues in the world of the living that cause it to happen very often, or for very long.
So maybe that’s why your aunt only shows up and not your father. Yes, the older dead have a better sense of things on that side.
I never understood what makes a spirit more troublesome than a living person. Well, being a spirit is not the same as being undead. For spirits, the state of existence we call material or living feels more like being dead. They have to be willing to become partially numb in order to even perceive any of it.
So they would have a fear of it? Not fear, but no desire either. The map is clearer on their side. They know what they are getting into.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.