The best searching will be done alone even in a marketplace of teachers, because they can’t sell you your own soul. When you see your own path clearly, then you see life differently.
I saw a movie called ‘The Soldier Who Declared Peace’, and it showed that although a soldier, he did not have to fight and kill to get people to his way of being. Sun-Tzu, perhaps histories most famous military mind, said that when a conflict gets to armed confrontation it’s already failed. Sun-Tzu taught that any conflict is won before it’s even perceived in general. It is handled already in the mind of the one who might be in it. I daresay any conflict is already handled by the happy person.
A happy person is assertive. Defensiveness and reactivity come from doubt. Any of us may have met the person who seems to never argue, never worry, never really fight, and yet also nothing ever seems to really get in their way. They don’t push anyone around, yet they always seem to get what they want. Aggression isn’t assertiveness, and the person I describe isn’t passive. They tend to be very busy, and never really tired, and they tend to answer questions rather directly.
There are those who are happy even without the insights we have spoken of. They know a level head will get them what they want rather then yelling and making threats, but their head is level because they are happy. If only on an instinctive level, they know that this is the source of their power to do and succeed.
They will get into trouble if placed in a group of not assertive people, because they won’t be able to create a flawed group structure which they need? They won’t get in trouble, my friend. If placed in that group they won’t remain. They will see the drama that’s possible and likely will move on. They aren’t in a hurry, but they value their own time enough not to get bogged down in what has those others trapped. They tend to be perceptive people, so they aren’t actually ignoring people and they aren’t alone. If anything these people I describe may be the only ones who aren’t really alone. They are who they are in entirety so they reject nothing of themselves, in themselves, or others. So they aren’t alone by themselves or in a crowd.
The worst thing you can do to a bully is not react in anyway to their aggression, and just let them dig their own holes. Not reacting makes them even angrier. Bullies are fuelled by an audience, why is that? Indeed, bullies are very lonesome and are even when bullying others. The person I describe is no bully and assertive isn’t aggressive. An assertive person accepts that they are themselves. By doing so they give everyone else the permission to be who they are also, and egad, actually talks to and interacts with the other person as they really are, a bully. A blindly aggressive person is trying to compensate for something they feel is absent in themselves.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.