Signs of self. First, we must clarify how one can be aware of self. Self awareness is not the same as thinking. The thinking will go on all by its own, a chain of cause and effect, stimulus and response. Where is the self in this?

I’d say nowhere. If it was, people wouldn’t have the question of who am I. Senses and thinking don’t seem to fit that need. And there is a reason. A reality behind that. You have self awareness to the degree that you can distinguish yourself from the objects of your awareness. As it’s sometimes said, many don’t know their head from a hole in the ground.

Addiction is more immersion in the senses and thinking which makes people more lost. Indeed, this is so.

So tell me about your experiences of self awareness?

Tolle said something about feeling the sense of aliveness inside, the energy. Even that is not self awareness. That is cosmic awareness. The spirits are very aware on that level, all the while continuing to exist as rocks and water and air.

I oddly get the notion of a void. As if my self is in that void. What is the difference between a void and a nexus? Connected or unconnected.

I will share on my own self awareness, if you wish. For myself, it can be argued to be a medical issue, perhaps neurological, but my bodies response to my thought is slowed and scattered. My brains response to my sense organs is likewise slowed and equally scattered. As a child, I found just about everything frightening. This is why I have nightmares so commonly now, lots of experience. The only thing I didn’t find frightening ever was what some refer to as the reflective state. Eventually, when I reached puberty things got even worse. I had come to be accustomed to my scattered physical and sensory experience. It became a sort of background noise. I even came to identify with it perhaps, if only superficially. Then I started having seizures which means there is no coherence at all. Senses don’t send any decipherable message, and organs don’t have any decipherable sense or feel to them. According to conventional theory, I was not conscious. They speak of seizure as if it is sleep. They are wrong. I was completely aware and still anchored inside my body, but it was like some cosmic landlord pulled the plug. This pushed me even further away from my body and my senses, and made my behaviour even stranger. With my incarnation being able to betray me, I became even more intensely frustrated trying to escape the straightjacket that is my flesh and blood and brain.

I refer to most people as sleepers. Over time, I have come to be able to interpret the dream pretty well. I had to. It’s the only way I could foster any sense of connection or empathy at all. Otherwise, well… I will ask you. How much sympathy do you have for a carrot patch?

My only persistent world has been what people would perhaps call self. This is maybe why they call me autistic which means self absorbed. But my senses still work. My body still works. I haven’t made much productive use of them, but they are still here.

It’s said we are spirits having a human experience, so it would make sense some don’t take to the human part very well. It is the foreign part. For me, it is very foreign. Humans are strange creatures and get very upset when I speak as though I am not human. Sorry if this is sounding hostile or in any way disrespectful. It is a subject I find frustrating.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~